


Not In Love

by chichirichick



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chichirichick/pseuds/chichirichick
Summary: While it was obvious from the beginning that they were in love, separation and whispered doubts will drive Maka and Soul apart, both convinced in different ways that love isn't there or isn't coming back. Will coming home again change all that or do nothing but tear them apart completely?
Relationships: Maka Albarn & Soul Eater Evans, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've written so many fics with healthy SoMa relationships I thought I'd take another shot at an angsty, ruined relationship (I kind of did it for Sleeping Beauty). I think I'm going to make you hate the both of them until they get back together (I should say if but we both know if I'm writing it, it'll have to end up as sweet SoMa).

The wedding had maybe been one of the best nights of Soul's life. It was her mother, Rin, who was finally taking the plunge again as Maka turned seventeen and she'd practically begged him to go. Maka obviously didn't have to, but he put up a good fight. It was a night of wins, really: antagonizing Spirit, eating expensive food in excess, and getting to pretend that he didn't want to wrap his arms around her for every single slow dance.

Spirit, of course, had plenty of grumbles about that, but it was more Rin that seemed to rub Soul the wrong way. He'd never admit this out loud, but Spirit's straight-forward nature, his mouth never denying you the chance to know what was on his mind, was what Soul preferred. With Rin, you seemed to get glances, silent stares that left you unsure of your crime, but he was pretty sure she wasn't into what was happening on that dance floor either.

That wasn't the part he really cherished though, the one that liked to play on a loop in his brain when it was three AM and he couldn't sleep. They had to sleep separately, who knows which parent insisted on that except it was definitely not a request, but by the early hours of the morning he'd been awakened by her soft footsteps next to the couch. "Come up and sleep with me."

"Your mom'll be pissed." Soul offered sleepily, but he knew in his gut he was jumping at the bit, ready for her to lead him upstairs.

Maka rolled her eyes. "We sleep together all the time on missions. Honestly, the couch sucks. Come on."

"If Spirit gives me a black eye tomorrow…" but Soul was already up, taking her hand and letting her lead him back up the stairs.

The house was pretty cramped, the bed even more so, barely allowing them to lay shoulder to shoulder on their backs so as soon as they slipped in she was on her side, facing him, making it feel like each little whisper was right against his ear. "Another half-hour," she murmured.

"I want to sleep," he grumbled.

"Please?" The little kid way she was fighting sleep gave him that fuzzy feeling in his gut.

He only sighed in reply, his usual for acquiescence to her many wants, and she continued to divulge every thought about the entire day quietly against his ear. Why she needed to when he'd been there never made sense to him, but listening to her voice was never a burden especially as her body radiated warmth next to his.

And all of it was sweet until the last murmur which split her lips halted, weak, "I wonder if she'll have a new family."

That forced him to turn his head from the ceiling, locking with those green eyes that had filled with something close to fear and maybe a hint of anger. "There won't be new and old. You're all one family." _Do you believe that? Between the shoddy calls of the last year and the way she cries over her mother, do you believe that?_ But that's what he could give her, the only thing he ever felt like he could, strength and certainty when she didn't have it.

"I guess." She took his comment, hid it away in her mind, and let it settle before taking a deep breath. "But if she does, I…" Her hand crept across his chest, finding his sternum and clutching at the fabric there, trying to pull some kind of steadiness from him.

"You'll always have another one," the words trembled from his mouth as he wrapped his fingers around hers and squeezed. _With me. Always with me._ He knew those words should have been out loud especially as the final veil was lifting from his heart with no more ways to lie to himself. This was probably the part where he should have kissed her as well, sealing the promise. Instead, it just became a memory, the only thing that fed his hungry soul.

* * *

Rin called every week after that. Soul tried to be pleased with the development especially since Maka clung to it, thrived with it. Rin's name came up in conversation, dotting their moments together incessantly. Her mother was there now, a part of her life and a part of them. Those calls were like sunshine, adding a sing-songy quality to Maka's voice, but every time Soul picked up the phone all he felt was the rain. Rin was short, cold, never interested in hearing Soul's voice except to say 'I'll get her' and while he tried to tell himself he wasn't a son (or in some of his dreams, a son-in-law) so she didn't have to muster some kind of love for him, it was hard not to realize the slow seeping dislike.

That was fine. He was cool. Plenty of people didn't like him. All that mattered was Maka's smile never changed when she saw him. If he could keep that, everything else could come and go. That's why he didn't flinch when she told him she was going to visit Rin for a month. She even planned to leave the week after his birthday, giving him his due time that he never asked for but desperately wanted. They celebrated with a lopsided cake and then planned her trip.

A week later, Soul drove her to the airport, carried her bags, got her as far as he could without irking security.

"Will you miss me?" She smiled playfully.

"I'll be happy to have my bachelor pad back," Soul grunted a laugh.

"Oh, yeah, and think of all the girls you could invite over," she added an eye roll as if the tone wasn't enough.

He smirked in reply as the myriad of confessions played as background noise in his head. Fed by them, his hand reached up, clearing a rogue hair from her face because there was no way he could do what he really wanted to do, to caress her cheek softly before saying, "Just a month, right?"

The little bit of color that came to her cheeks was barely noticeable especially since she actively willed it away. "Yup." To her surprise as soon as the word left her mouth his arms wrapped around her, a sensation he rarely gifted her with and she threw her arms around his neck in return. Maka knew that this was the part where she should have kissed him, sealing the promise. Instead, it just became a memory, the first thing that filled her with regret.

* * *

The first week she called every night. Maka had so much to say while he had so little. Even though he wanted to listen he felt strangely distracted by the loneliness and would often drift off, urged into a fantasy about her coming home.

The second week it turned to every other day. Her side of the line was still filled with conversation including excuses for why the gap had appeared. Rin was keeping her busy. Soul tried not to have an opinion on that.

The third week gave way to no particular pattern, no set time put aside from him. Soul resorted to calling on his own but when Rin would pick up, which would be most of the time, Maka conveniently wouldn't be there. Again, he tried not to have an opinion but there was a rage building. In his mind, Rin was an obstacle and he hated himself for feeling that way about someone Maka loved.

The fourth week she called late on Friday and he was pathetically waiting by the phone, having watched the hours tick away minute by minute. "Soul, listen…"

 _I am_ , he wanted to urge, _but I don't want to do it like this anymore, I want you here, face to face. I can't stand this static over the line._

"Well, the good news is Mama's pregnant," that came with a chipper rise in her voice.

"Cool," Soul managed to keep it from being a grumble, just a flat sound from his mouth.

"But she… well, she asked me to stay a little longer." Every word tripped from her lips with hesitation.

A chill ran down his spine as his fingers tensed into the receiver. "How long?"

"I don't know, she's about five months now and she was hoping-"

" _She_ ," Soul couldn't stop the hiss from his mouth. "She asked you, but what do you want to do?"

"I want to help my mother," Maka's voice was tentative but anger was starting to line the words.

Soul's hand uselessly turned to a fist, his nails digging into his palm. "Then how long are you staying, Maka?"

She sighed, "I told you, I don't know-"

"You _know_ ," it took everything in him not to scream it.

There was a break and Soul almost thought she hung up until another sigh resounded on her end. "I want to be here when the baby's born, and then a little after so… I think the year, Soul."

"A year?" It scraped out of his throat as a desperate cry. "What am I supposed to do for a year, Maka?"

The question left another block of silence, Maka's mind overrun with a million thoughts as she let the first tear loose from her eyes. "You're Kid's weapon now, right? And, well, it'll give you a chance to… I thought you wanted some time by yourself."

The breaths were heaving from his chest as if he'd run a marathon and he couldn't hear the insinuation over their thunder. "Not a year," he begged regardless of how much he hated that tone in his voice. "Please, Maka. You and me. It's supposed to be you and me."

"But it's not." She covered her mouth quickly to stop the choking sound of the sob from filtering over the line. "You barely talked to me the past few weeks and you said… you wanted the apartment to yourself." Maka wanted it to be accusing but all that was left was the gut-wrenching agony. "You don't need me because it's not like we were in love or something," her voice warbled over the line.

He was being gutted alive, the knife sinking in right at his sternum. "No, because that would be impossible, right?" The air strained from his throat, the words a rage-filled cough. "Stupid to even think."

"Soul-"

The blade was sliding between his ribs, exposing his lungs and stealing away all his air. "No, you're fucking right," the words gushed from his mouth, fed by the searing pain, "We were nothing. Partners until you got the job done and now you've got your life, I've got mine, and there's no reason for you to come back here."

"Soul-" It was a desperate cry.

That knife was already to his bellybutton, forcing the rest out like vomit. "So don't come back. Don't call me. Don't even give me a second fucking thought because why would you? What am I to you anyway?" He slammed the phone back on the receiver but the clack of the plastic wasn't enough. He continued beating it together as the casing broke apart in his hand, the stark white crumbling in his fingers with smears of red as the rough edges tore away at his knuckles. He could have sworn the blood was from his innards strewn in his hands, everything ripped from him because of her words and his.

* * *

Soul opened the door, his eyes bloodshot and about to be worse as they focused in on Spirit in the doorway. He turned quickly, refusing to let him see the new tears, and left the door open before stomping down the hall to his room.

As Soul's bedroom door slammed shut, Spirit couldn't stop his eyebrows from shooting up as he stood frozen in the doorway. He tried to remind himself he was just there to grab a few of Maka's things but as he wandered slowly down the hallway he couldn't ignore the choked sobs on the other side of the door. The way the boy looked when he opened the door kept flashing across Spirit's mind as he picked through Maka's clothes, filling the bag he'd brought. When it was full, he threw it on the floor in the hallway before walking over to the other door that couldn't hide the cries.

He knocked.

"Fuck off, Spirit," came wailing through the door, definitely enough to be heard at least two apartments over. Spirit opened the door anyway, watching as Soul jumped up from the bed, fists tight. "Seriously, _fuck off_ ," Soul shrieked. "Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off!" With each iteration he took another step, that balled fist swinging as soon as he was in range.

Spirit caught his wrist and used Soul's momentum against him, getting him with his arm behind his back and twisting it until he heard the strangled groan. "You're still not that good at hand to hand."

"Leave me alone," Soul bawled.

Spirit watched the liquid drip from the boy's face, the choking continuing from his throat. "This isn't like you."

"What the fuck do you know?" Soul tried to wrench himself away but the pain shot up his shoulder, Spirit holding strong.

"Maka's just staying a little longer-"

"A _year_ , Spirit, at least a fucking _year_ ," he hissed back.

Spirit sighed, "Yeah, so? We'll miss her. But acting like this isn't going to solve anything." Spirit finally gave up his grip, assuming that the boy would flip back up to yell on his level. Instead, Soul dropped to his knees, sending a chill up Spirit's spine. "Nothing's over, kid. She'll come back and you'll get right back to-"

"No," Soul snapped. "She doesn't give a _shit_ about me and she's not coming back."

"Hey," Spirit tried to reach down and grab Soul's shoulder but he ripped it away. "I know I talk a lot of shit about you two, but you're one of the most important people in her world, Soul."

"Bullshit."

Spirit had heard that tone before, knew it too well, like the one that came from Rin's mouth the first time the infidelity came out. It was betrayal, anguish, spite all rolled into one. _Death, what did Maka do?_ was the first horrible thought that struck across his mind. "Listen, Soul-"

Soul's head snapped to Spirit, those sharp teeth bared as he ground his fists into the floor. "I don't want your advice. I just want…" That dissolved into a painful groan, his eyes suddenly overwhelmed with tears.

If Spirit didn't know better he'd assume the kid's insides were bursting. "Maybe go stay with Black Star a few days, kid."

"I'm fine," Soul moaned out. "Just leave me the fuck alone."

 _This isn't good. You shouldn't leave the kid and you should sure as hell call your daughter for an explanation._ Spirit took a few steps out of the room as if looking to the hallway for inspiration or maybe even assistance. It was then that his eyes fell on the phone, or what had been a phone but was now scattered bits of plastic and, _fucking Death, is that blood?_ Spirit took another look at Soul, the sobs no longer making a sound but silently streaming down the boy's cheeks. _Oh, fucking hell._

He moved further down the hallway to the living room, trying to give himself enough distance before taking out his cellphone. Speed dial #4 rang a few times before a tired voice answered. "Spirit," Stein offered his best greeting.

"Marie home?" Spirit shuffled his feet.

"Sure."

There was some shuffling in the background before Marie's much brighter voice twittered through the line. "Hey, Spirit!"

He was already rethinking this plan but his only other option was to continue force-fathering Soul and that was only bound to end in bloodshed. "Think you can come to the kids' apartment?"

"I thought Maka was away…" There wasn't much of a bright tone anymore, that motherly worry instantly seeping in.

"And apparently it's not going over well," Spirit grumbled.

"Soul?" It was a stupid question but Marie asked it anyway.

Spirit paused to listen for any dangerous movement down the hall, still hearing an eerie amount of silence. "Yeah."

"I'll be right there."

Spirit hung up the phone and slipped it back in his pocket before flopping into the couch. There was guilt gnawing at him since he couldn't say that he hadn't encouraged this, that he hadn't told Maka to take a little time away at her mother's because, well, he guessed what was coming. As far as he was concerned it was history repeating itself and his daughter was probably a month away from being that brat's girlfriend, from getting herself in the same mess that Rin had all those years ago. But while he could congratulate himself on keeping his daughter from being a teen mom and it was no secret he didn't exactly care for Soul, there wasn't any celebration for decimating the kid like that. He had to admit that his hatred for the idiot wasn't because of any actual character flaw, but just simply the fact that it was way too obvious how much space that white-haired punk took up in his daughter's heart.

Sure, he'd expected some tears, maybe some underage drinking, but what was that in there? Spirit tried to excuse it with that teenage need for drama, where every problem became the end of the world, but no. It was real bitterness, total heartbreak and he couldn't help but think his daughter had done it.


	2. Calling

Maka had been crying for at least an hour but she was much too busy replaying the fight over again in her head to actually notice the minutes tick away. She hadn't broken anything except for maybe her own heart, or perhaps the best connection in her life, or maybe even the only person in the entire world that made her feel complete. By the time the morning came around, her position and activity hadn't really changed, spurring Rin to finally enter Maka's makeshift room. "Darling?"

"Hi, Mama," she whispered with a sniffle to punctuate.

"I'm going to guess you spoke to him." Rin pulled the chair over from the desk since the tiny bed would put her almost on top of Maka.

"Mama, he just-" Maka cut herself off, her throat clamping shut as his voice came back to her. Her next sentence only came out as a breathless jumble, "He was so hurt."

Rin ran a soft hand over Maka's hair. "Darling, we talked about this. It's good for you to take some time apart. And you said it yourself, he wasn't calling. When you did talk, he sounded distant. I think the thing that really must have been hurt was probably his pride more than anything else."

"His pride?" Maka blinked up at her, lip quivering.

Rin rolled her shoulders casually, "Come on, darling, he was always so possessive. You were supposed to be his and now you're standing on your own. So all that lamenting on the other end was about him, not about you."

 _But when's the last time you've seen him prideful? You know better than anyone else-_ Maka tried to push the thoughts away, letting her mother's voice seep deeper than her own.

* * *

Marie had managed to coax Soul into allowing her to bandage his hand but other than that the visit was going nowhere, quickly. Even with that warm, motherly intent, nothing seemed to be sinking through what was swiftly becoming an exterior of pure stone. She couldn't help but be afraid of the way his eyes looked, the slow trickle away of sadness into bitter anger that she could feel washing off of him in waves.

Soul wasn't eating the grilled cheese Marie made for him, not because it didn't smell good and he certainly felt a fair amount of guilt at the fact that she'd gone so far as to prepare anything for him. He was tearing away little corners of the crisped bread as he listened to her breath. Another wave hit him, a sudden longing for Maka because he caught a glimpse of blond hair as Marie moved around the kitchen cleaning up and for a second his idiotic mind thought it could be her. _She's never coming back. Stop dreaming. All that's over._

Marie heard the choking sound and turned from the sink in time to catch Soul attempting to hide the fresh wave of tears. That was oddly comforting to Marie since he'd oscillated back to sadness, a feeling she understood and fit the moment. "Soul…"

"Marie, just go," he mumbled. "Spirit wasted your time."

"I'm not wasting my time," she murmured softly as she dried her hands on the dishcloth. When she got close enough, she reached out her hand, running it over the stark white hair and smoothing it from his forehead. "And maybe you don't want to talk about it, but I do want to say something to you."

Soul imagined this was what it was like to be a child, to be soothed, and he felt more of the anger draining away. "What is it?"

Marie brushed her hand over his hair again as at least a temporary calm came over the boy's face. "When we were younger, younger than you are now, Stein and I dated for a short time. He broke it off fairly quickly for a lot of convoluted reasons that I don't need to get into, but I was heartbroken." She could see Soul ready to interject, to deny a comparison, so she repeated the motion and effectively cooled that impulse. "I loved Stein so much, but he made it very clear that it wasn't meant to be. Told me to my face."

"And worst, we had to go back to being friends. There was so much that I wanted to say to him that I couldn't because I needed to keep up the facade. So, I ended up writing him letters." Marie slowly pressed through his hair one last time before letting her hand fall to his, taking it away from picking at his food. "I never sent them to him. All I did was say all the things I needed to or wanted to say to him so that I didn't burst or lose what little I had left. I think you should try that, Soul, and if you're braver than me you can send them to her, but at least do that for yourself. Don't let these feelings settle in you since it won't do any good."

Soul let out a long, shaky sigh as his emotions flooded into a murky mess. "But you and Stein ended up together." A new sob started on the tail-end of that sentence.

"Sometimes people lie," Marie sighed, unsure if giving him hope was simply making wings of wax for him. "They push away because they think they're saving you from hurting or from getting hurt themselves. Sometimes it takes growth, time…" She could see she wasn't giving him anything, though, especially as is eyes filled with tears.

"Marie, she's never coming back to me," he barely warbled the words out before collapsing his head on the table as his shoulders trembled through another round of sobs. Even Marie couldn't hold the pieces of him together.

* * *

Really, time had lost all meaning. Soul was watching the light change on the side of the building from his window. It wasn't pitch black anymore but a soft grey and he could assume that it was closer to early morning now. How long had he laid there and replayed those words again? ' _You don't need me because it's not like we were in love or something.'_ It was a week later and that was the only voice, the only phrase in his mind.

There was never a time when he didn't need her and how she could assume any differently was impossible. Every moment was with her and if it wasn't there was a good reason for it. These were all things he should have argued, should have laid out like facts but instead, he had let that rage take him. On that thought he got up from the bed and sluggishly walked over to his desk, searching through the mess for a blank sheet of paper. All he had was blank music sheets and he didn't dare go into her room to steal paper from her desk. Instead, in the spaces between the lines, he started to write something that was less a letter and more a list.

_The things I should have said:_

_While you were gone, I slept, ate, worked, and waited for you._

_I missed just having you in the apartment._

_I missed you waking me up, even too early._

_I missed you so badly that talking over the phone killed me because I couldn't see your smile._

_A month was already too long._

_A year would be unbearable._

_I said it was you and me because that's all I've ever wanted._

_Because I love you._ Here he strained his pen into the word, bolding it into the page.

_I am falling apart without you._

_I'll go back to phone calls, I'll wait, I'll promise you anything, just as long as you tell me we're in love._

* * *

Maka had tried to keep busy but no matter how occupied her hands were there was no reprieve from the thoughts especially as the light slipped from the windows and she was trapped in a bed that didn't bring much sleep.

_I miss his crooked smile._

_I miss hearing his footsteps._

_I miss the gruff quality of his voice when he first wakes up._

_I miss the way his hand felt in mine when he'd let me take it._

_But Mama said…_

The house was quiet but her footsteps were even more so, shuffling softly against the carpet as she moved down the hall and into the kitchen. She took the phone off the receiver, listening to the buzz of the line as if it would make the decision for her. Her trembling fingers touched the numbers one after another that she knew by heart.

* * *

The calls at 3 AM started a week after Soul sent his letter, or rather his list. It was only a day or two after Marie bought him a new phone that he'd stared at and willed to ring more than once. In the meantime he wrote more letters, filling the time he would usually torture himself with his thoughts by scribbling across the page.

But at night it would ring, on and on until he picked up. When he did, there would be silence except for maybe a stray breath, a clue that this wasn't some crossed wire. Both sides would sit through the crackle of the line, hisses from the distance the only conversation. The other side would always hang up first after lingering for at least fifteen minutes.

Soul tried to keep himself from hoping it was her, but each time the phone rang he wanted to whisper her name into the receiver. He wanted to ask about his letter, ask about her, ask if she'd just set him free from this constant feeling of loss.

It was almost two weeks after he sent his letter that Soul told himself that this call would be different. Maka had to have gotten the letter by now. For some reason, he'd still sent the second one a few days after and had the third stamped and ready to go on his desk as he waited for the ring of the phone. Like clockwork, the trill broke through his thoughts and he rushed for the phone and clutched at the receiver, pressing it to his ear.

It was the same absence, barely a breath, and he filled it with a whisper, "Maka?"

That breath became a shuddering sob.

"Please," he begged, but the rest of the words stuck behind his teeth. _Are you alright? Did you get my letter? Can you please, please…_

The reply was a warble of sound saturated with tears, "I'm sorry."

That was not an answer to any of his questions and he felt his heart lurch. "Me, too," he murmured weakly. And the silence ate up the rest of the time on the line, Soul waiting for his answers and feeling his heart harden as none of them came.


	3. Dating

That apology was left undefined and built on top of it was rickety conversations that usually consisted of a few words whispered between them in the darkness.

A month started to stretch those words into sentences that took the second month to become paragraphs. These were something like the talks that they used to have except for the fact that Maka could no longer dip her shoulder into his or playfully flick the white hair out of his brilliantly red eyes. It was breathtakingly painful how much she missed those little motions that seemed to add so much to the ideas that passed between them.

Soul still seemed distant to her, his voice anemic in comparison to the rich, cool intonation she was used to. She blamed it on the hour, unsure how both of them had settled at 3 AM as their time. _Don't do that. Nothing is ours anymore. You shouldn't even be doing this, should you?_

"You doing OK?" That was usually one of his closing questions and she hated how desperate it made her feel.

"I'm lonely," came out in a suddenly painful burst of honesty that kept trickling from her lips like a dam about to break. "Mama has lots to do to prepare for the baby and I help with that. We talk but it's… it's not how it used to be." _Not how we used to talk, not the kind of conversation that takes all the weight off my shoulders and lets me smile._ "I'd love to actually go somewhere, too, just be out for a while. Enjoying somewhere with someone." _You._

A strained sound came from his throat and perhaps a shuffle from the other end of the phone before his strangely cool, slow voice came back. "Then you should go out on a date or something. Isn't that what you want?"

"A date?" Maka warbled.

"Yeah, the pickings here were obviously not enough for you," his voice cut right through her, "So try out there. Smile. You're pretty enough that someone's bound to ask you."

For all the times he'd teased her about her looks she hated the compliment more. Pretty sounded like a curse from his mouth, especially with the ice that clung to each word. "I wasn't even thinking about that."

"You should," he urged back quickly. "I think that's what I'm going to do. Not that I'm half as good looking as you but at least I'm cool."

The flattery turned her stomach as the idea of it all twisted it back, making the bile rise up in her throat. _It was that easy. It was knowing I was gone, out of the way, and he could move on, could tell me to move on._ Maka knew the pause was too long so she forced out the words that pained her even more than his, "Good luck with that."

"I'm going to need it." The strangled quality of his voice escaped her, too busy listening to the echoes of their conversation.

 _He's moving on. From what, though, when you said you weren't_ together? She let the thoughts fight back, a useless altercation in her mind. _From us because we were something! That's unfair, childish, and you know it! Grow up!_ As if growing up meant throwing away everything you loved.

* * *

Soul went to DWMA with that purpose resounding in his head, no matter how much others clamored to disrupt it.

_You love_ _**her** _ _!_

_You want_ _**her** _ _!_

_No other girl is going to matter!_

_But I never got my answer. She had to have read that letter and all she could say was sorry. Sorry that we're not in love. That's all it could possibly be and I'm a pathetic loser if I can't let go of it if I can't get past it._ Just like he was trying to get past Black Star who hadn't even technically registered in his mind.

"Hey, dude!" Black Star barely missed Soul's sleeve, instantly peeved by the fact that he had to reach for that hold in the first place to stop Soul's forward motion. "Hey, Soul!" Nothing came in reply and Soul's feet didn't stop, forcing Black Star to jog after him. "Soul!"

Soul stopped, snapping his head back. "What?"

That definitely wasn't what Black Star considered a proper greeting. "Nice to see you, too." Black Star moved toe to toe with him, eyes scanning his. "What's up your ass?"

"I'm busy," Soul shifted on his feet but didn't move out of the way.

"With?" Black Star raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

"I'm going to ask somebody out," he tried to make it sound as matter-of-factly as he could as if this were an everyday action, not something that threatened to completely destroy the equilibrium.

Black Star's head jerked back as if he'd been slapped in the face. "Fucking _what_?"

"You heard me," Soul snapped, feeling the courage starting to wither in the face of his best friend.

"No," Black Star shot out a finger as if to scold.

Soul blinked, "What?"

"Absolutely fucking _not_ ," Black Star emphasized each word with another wag of his finger. "Have you lost it? What about-"

"Don't even fucking say her name," came as a raw screech from his throat. "We're not together. We never were. This isn't some shoujo manga bullshit!"

Black Star took a step back, the air knocked out of his lungs. This wasn't best friend tones, closer to inflections saved for phone calls he'd overhead between Soul and his parents. "Dude, I know you guys fought but, seriously, think about this."

"I have," Soul spat. "If she doesn't need me, then I don't need her."

"Oh, Death, man, this is _stupid,_ " Black Star rarely begged but this was leaning towards it. It didn't make an ounce of difference as Soul turned his back, starting back on his direct path.

"What was that?"

Black Star was still processing through the stunning moment that he honestly could not completely wrap his head around. _That wasn't my best friend. That wasn't Soul. Who the hell was that?_

"Hello, Black Star," Liz huffed as she slapped the back of his head this time, hoping for more than rattling in his brain as a reaction.

"Fuck," he muttered as he rubbed her point of contact. "That's not Soul."

"Huh?" Liz looked at the quickly disappearing mop of white hair and then back at Black Star. "Looked like him to me. Unless we've got some kind of possession thing going on."

"No, he…" Black Star huffed out a breath of air. "He's going to go ask someone out. I don't even think he has an actual person in mind, just gonna do it."

Liz's heart almost seized in her chest. "What?"

"Yeah, just some girl," Black Star murmured as his eyes finally turned to Liz's face. "He wouldn't even let me say Maka's name, man."

She was ready to bust ass after that idiot, toss him to the ground and grind him into the dirt until he listened to some sense. "What happened?"

Black Star shrugged, "I thought you'd know. I know they fought like two months ago."

"Yeah, the phone call," Liz sighed. "But she apologized."

"So did he."

"Then…?" They stood staring at each other, two brains working together with no hope of making sense of the situation.

As those gears turned uselessly, Soul's feet were still moving forward towards the group of girls outside of weapons class. Patty was there and from the look on her face Liz must have sent a psychic message but it was really just the odd coldness in Soul's eyes that should be more like hot embers. "Hey, Soul," Patty waved tentatively as her brow started to knit.

"Hey, Patty," came as an afterthought as he seemed to zone in on the girl standing next to her, a petite brunette with big, blue eyes. "Hey, Sam."

"Oh, hi, Soul," she gushed out his name as she always did. Maka often referred to her as the cheerleader, a little _Death's Last Weapon_ fangirl who'd take any chance that she could get to talk to Soul. "Are you coming to sparring today?"

"Yeah, especially since I wanted to talk to you," his words were smooth but his heart was trying to jut from his chest. _It's going to hurt. It's not just going to hurt you, not just Maka either, but this poor idiot girl that you're pulling into it is going to be heartbroken._ The adoration was shining from every inch of her smile and he tried to echo it. "You got a minute?"

"Plenty of minutes!" Sam's face was already turning pink.

Soul managed a smirk and motioned his head away from the group because his hand refused to listen. He was supposed to gently grab her hand, lead her away because wouldn't that just be dreamy? But every time his mind pushed the idea forward his body answered with the memory of Maka's hand in his. Even when he got her against the wall, all he could do was stand aloof, hands in his pockets. "Look, if you're not busy, did you want to do something this weekend?"

"Something?" Sam's voice reached a new octave and while it should have been cute it grated against him.

"A date," the word was so bitter that he felt the bile rise in the back of his throat.

"Oh," she was so sweetly breathless, now not a pink but a crimson coming to her cheeks. "That would be great, really, Soul."

"Great. I'll, uh, pick you up from the dorm at seven, Saturday?" This sounded like nervousness like this was his dream moment too, but it was really nausea stunting his words. _It hurts. It already hurts._

"Yes, please," Sam was twittering, her smile bursting from the seams.

"See you then," Soul gave her one last look at the smirk before he turned away. As he walked towards the classroom his hand moved from his pocket to his gut, clenching at the old, imaginary wound from that explosive phone call. _Let it go. It hurts, but it's over. Let it go because it's not like you were in love._

* * *

"Maka, phone!" Rin called from the hallway.

Her heart leaped faster than her feet. _He's calling. He's calling and I can tell him I don't want to. That I can't imagine it._ She yanked the receiver off the table and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Maka!"

The excitement drained, not just because it wasn't Soul but also because Liz's voice sounded distinctly _not-Liz_ , a saccharine quality that didn't suit her. "Liz, hi!" she forced enthusiasm.

"How's the baby brother countdown going?" That at least was genuine, swelling with the dictated joy one was supposed to give when anticipating an arrival like this.

"Great! Mama's almost there, one month but she thinks any day now." Maka wasn't sure what countdown she was living in. She was obviously elated by the idea of being a big sister, but that time ticking by meant her separation was coming closer to an end. No matter what her mother had said, she hated the distance, this ' _standing on her own'_ that seemed to have become her mother's mantra every time Soul's name was mentioned. "Then a few more and I'll be home."

"Great, great," Liz echoed herself, making the words fall unconvincingly against Maka's ears. The silence after didn't help, the obvious shuffling on the other side of the phone.

"Liz, is something wrong?" It wasn't as if Maka wanted the answer especially since her mind could come up with a million possibilities on its own.

"Maka…" there was a heavy sigh, another pause to collect words in her mind. "Maybe it's not any of my business, but did something happen? Like with Soul?"

"What do you mean?" Those million possibilities were narrowing, each option making her even more breathless than the last.

"Well, you said… you two fought, right? But you're still… together?" Liz offered.

"We're still friends," that word burned like acid on her tongue.

"Friends," Liz repeated, not a question but another bitter intonation.

Maka clutched her hand into the table, steadying herself as if a real blow was coming. "Did he… he asked someone out, didn't he?" She didn't need the answer to feel that ripping and tearing like rusty nails digging into her heart.

"Yeah," Liz whispered weakly.

"Who?" her lip trembled, almost failing to utter the word.

"Maka-"

The anger was starting to blossom, the idea that she was ready to give up, to beg him, who had just so easily moved on and forgotten a woman that he swore he'd give his life for. "Who?" she spat.

Liz sucked her teeth before relenting, "Samantha Yearling."

 _The cheerleader. The head of his devoted little fan club. A girl who is nothing like me._ That drove another strike to her heart but the next was the one that made it shatter. _Because he never wanted me._ "Fine," Maka croaked. _It's not like we were in love._

* * *

Soul tried to generate an ounce of nervousness, at least in sympathy for Sam's blushing agitation, but nothing came. Even as he reached his hand up to touch her cheek, he didn't have to make some excuse in his mind that he was clearing hair from her face. When he leaned in he wasn't worried about knocking noses or clacking teeth because none of it mattered. If she said ' _no,'_ if she pushed him away, if she never wanted to see him again that would all be fine. Losing her would be as easy as misplacing a bobby pin.

It's not like she argued anyway, eagerly meeting his lips like she had something to prove. It wasn't bad, a tingle still running down his spine at the sensation especially since this was his first, wasn't it? He'd always envisioned it with Maka in a million different ways but now it was just a girl who could be any girl, pressed up against a wall behind the dorm. By Sam's standards, this was probably a night to remember, but Soul saw it all slipping away, the movie, the pizza, the arm he put around her on the walk back to the dorm. None of it was there to stay because there was no purchase left on his heart, no place to stake a claim.

That became the pattern, Sam being forgotten, tossed away after a week of empty lip locking and replaced by the next _any girl_. There were more than enough of them, some that required a little more chasing, a little more charm, and that was something that he found he could fake with the greatest of ease. He told himself he was living, that this was what it was like for a healthy eighteen-year-old man.

Just like healthy living was waiting by the phone at 3 AM, picking up on the first ring. "Maka."

"Hi, Soul."

"What'd you do today?" He knew he'd surprise her with the question, but something about tonight made him yearn for her voice. He tried to tell himself it wasn't because one of the _any girls_ had tried to touch him, to press beyond just a kiss and he'd stalled.

There was a pause like she was compiling information and he waited almost happily for the gushing list he assumed he was about to receive. "I went on a date."

The succinct tone cut him to the core, the frivolous way she ripped out his heart stirring that original anger that he had to gulp down. "How was it?"

"Nice, he was nice," the weak repetition was a relief to him until she stumbled over the next part, "Not a great kisser, but he was charming."

His mouth twitched into a grimace as he tried to keep himself from grinding his teeth knowing the sound would be too obvious. Instead, Soul forced that cool back into his voice. "Set for date number two then?"

"Probably not," Maka murmured.

"Too bad." That's when he tilted his chin, getting his mouth far enough away from the receiver that he could choke on some air without her knowing.

"What about you?"

That anger stirred and he wanted to list out the names, the locations, the dates down to the minute but something in him wasn't frozen over yet, crying out against it. "I haven't." _I'm not even sure I can talk about it without it hurting and it's not like she's going to be jealous anyway._

The silence hummed before Maka whispered, "You don't have to lie to me, Soul. I know. Liz told me."

"Oh," he withered.

"It's-" She cut herself off to produce another restless interlude. "It's not a big deal. This is… what we're supposed to be doing. And we're friends. We can talk about this kind of stuff, right?"

"Right," but his mind was moaning the opposite.

"So tell me, how was your date with Sam?"

That was a lance right through his heart that Maka could speak her name without even a stutter. "Fine. She just… I should have guessed she'd be a little too clingy," came breathlessly from his mouth.

"That's not surprising." The little snort of a laugh she gave in reply was another stab in the gut.

"I'm dating someone else now." He couldn't help it but the thought trailed right after, _What will she think of me? I'm going to look just like her father and she's going to… but isn't that just the point? I'm not good enough for her so what the hell should it matter what she thinks of me? She doesn't even think of me._

"That was quick."

Soul tried to analyze every intonation there, a puzzle he had to solve as if his life depended on it. _Again, idiot, it doesn't matter what she thinks._ "I guess everyone realized I'm available and they've been coming out of the woodwork." _That's right, cool. Lose the baggage, ignore the twisting in your insides, and be cool._

* * *

After their phone calls, Maka had gotten into the habit of crying. She told herself it was nothing, just now a natural part of falling asleep after letting him tear her apart for an hour in the early mornings. They talked now more than they ever had, spilling every last minute detail about their day, about the other people in their lives, their _dates_. Every girl he paraded in her mind was so different from her, the only connection was that maybe a few had been meisters and while that was most certainly a new kind of blow for her, she could only find one insinuation there: _I was never the kind of person that he wanted._

Yes, she was dating, too. Maka honestly had to at this point and it wasn't as if her mother didn't encourage it. Maybe a little less so after the baby was born, a moment that Maka knew should have come with more of a shining blare of trumpets but she barely felt the joy in anything anymore. She could remember what being happy was like, the twitter of a genuine laugh or the rise in body temperature that came with pleasant thoughts, but none of that was now. Even holding her brother Dameon brought only a small reminder of what it could be like.

Taking care of the baby during the day, talking to Soul at night, crying, then what little sleep her body would allow had now become the day to day cycle. Every day brought a deeper yearning to be home, but that brought with it a distinctive new fear. Neither had spoken about the return as if uttering a word about the idea was a curse. In Maka's mind there was nowhere else she wanted to go except back to the apartment, back to coexisting with Soul, but the idea of him bringing those girls home, of parading them down the hallway to his room and closing the door, choked her.

Maka had let these dates kiss her, some even intent touches that wanted to go further but that further never happened. Those touches only felt like tiny bits of betrayal but she'd convinced herself that there was no way Soul had the same idea in mind. He'd probably touched, pressed, undressed and she would have to share in the reality of that when she went home, ignoring soft noises between closed doors. That thought came back to her after every call, doing nothing but urging the tears.


	4. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I accept all the flaming I will get for this.

Soul met her in Kid's office. Her hair was a brilliant purple in a short bob cut that she swept to the side, almost overwhelming one of her grey eyes. Kid introduced her as Nova, a DWMA CIA agent visiting from some obscure corner. She was loud, definitely a talker that left no information out of any conversation no matter the subject. _I don't know if I like her or hated her_.

As that thought glanced over his mind she started to ask, "What are you doing tonight?"

_I guess I'll find out._

* * *

_Nova._ It was a stupid name, definitely a fake name, not possibly a name from birth (let's ignore that she would not be so flippant about Soul's name), and it was coming off his lips now more than once. It was lasting not just for a few days, not just a week, but two and then into three. A month hit and Maka tried to compare the tones if he was enjoying the way he said her name if those sentences containing her seemed to matter more than all of the others. _You're jealous. So jealous. It's pathetic_. But it was true.

* * *

It was 3 AM again and this was the only thought she could greet him with, "It's a month until your birthday."

"Yeah," he chuckled breathily. Really, he was suffocating. "Nova's planning some party or something."

This produced utter, cold silence, and Soul was about to try to veer away from the subject when Maka cleared her throat. "Can I come?"

"Where?"

"To the party, can I come?"

Why did that make him feel like breaking into wracking sobs? _Get it under control. You have a girlfriend. Two month's worth of a girlfriend and she's… she's…_ "You're coming home?" it felt desperate and scratchy in his throat.

"I've never missed your birthday, not once since we've known each other," Maka murmured. "I can't do that now."

"But you're… are you going to stay?" His skin was paper and the wrong whisper back would shred him.

"Of course."

Soul clamped his hand over the receiver, forcing himself to take deep breaths to push back that urge to wail, to let the idea of her coming home break him down. Something close to a whimper still snuck from between his teeth.

"And I… well, I guess I want you to be honest about something," Maka's voice was trembling.

 _Honest?_ His heart lurched and he let the hand slip lifelessly from the receiver. "Alright."

The words all rushed out as if they were one, "Do you want me to move back to Spirit's?"

"No," Soul practically barked into the phone. _Death, you sound desperate. Just let her go. Just let her be away from you instead of torturing yourself._

"No?"

 _Don't leave me,_ quivered on his lip as he dug his knuckles into this thigh. "We're friends. You live here. No need to fuck up the status quo."

"Right," she murmured.

"But you're going to come home before my birthday?" He wanted to urgently add the ' _when?'_ but he'd already been pathetic enough.

"I thought I'd come home a few days before," if her voice was any softer he wouldn't have heard it and he wondered if she had moved her own lips away from the phone, trying to hide something.

"Great," Soul tried to keep that as even as possible, not give in to the agony.

* * *

Maka had gotten the invitation, one of those email invites that seemed too cheesy for words or maybe too hip. Either way, she hated it, the idea that his birthday was turned into a glamorous show, too many names in the to: category that she didn't recognize. _That isn't Soul. He hates parties if they're for him and most of all he hates the spectacle of his birthday._

She hit the accept button anyway right before switching tabs to the airline tickets. She hadn't actually even made the arrangements to leave, letting it fall on his reaction. He'd been cool enough, bringing up the _status quo_ and giving her almost no reason to worry about what it would be like to see him every morning again, to be in the same space, to let fingertips touch skin. _No, no more holding hands, no more caresses, not even ever again sleeping in the same bed. That's all over._

Soul had Nova. A girl who planned birthday parties for him. That kissed him. That was probably wrapped up in his sheets right now because she'd asked him. He'd told Maka that much, that he'd been surprised that it wasn't his urging that got him somewhere. Maybe he liked a girl who ordered him around. Maybe he liked a girl that was willing to admit that she liked him. _That bar can't possibly be that low._

 _And that's not Soul_ , she circled back in her mind. _It takes him time and effort to decide what he likes. He's pickier than anyone I know. He never liked the way Sam fawned over him. He always hates to be bossed, even on the battlefield because we were a team. Were. Remember the were. Soul can be anything he wants now._

* * *

Soul hated this part, the one that clearly showed him he wasn't healthy and he wasn't anywhere close to living. Nova was mostly undressed and he was hesitating, fingers toying at the hem of her panties because that was what she wanted. The bold girl asked him after the first month if he was the kind who was saving himself and Soul had just shrugged, trying not to put any particular emphasis on the way he'd tried to stick with kissing but not touching. After that came the push, the insistence, and the request seemed reasonable especially since he liked her, didn't he?

Nova was eccentric, loud, strong-willed and actually had a pretty good taste in music if all you wanted to listen to was early punk. Soul could convince himself that this was what he was into and if that was the case, making her pant out his name like she had when he ran his hand between her legs should have been his aim. It should have brought him joy.

Instead, shame was always the main component. Because even as his hands were grasping into that purple hair he was imagining the long, blond tresses running through his fingers. Those fingers running up and down his back would be thinner, the hands a little more dainty even though there was no way that should be possible for a scythe meister but for Maka it was. He even went so far as to know, just simply sure deep down, that the kisses would be different, that the urge wouldn't be some absurd hormonal thing but a craving for comfort. _Not to mention she'd taste like strawberry. I don't know why, but she would._

Soul always stayed silent, no moans to utterances because he knew the danger. Her name was always a second away on his lips and he couldn't risk it.


	5. Homecoming

Maka had listed out the flight instructions for the third time before she sighed, "Papa, seriously."

"Just making sure. Don't want to ruin the whole homecoming," Spirit complained half-heartedly. "Speaking of, the kid asked to come with me to pick you up."

"Soul?" She didn't like the yelping quality to that but it couldn't be helped. He hadn't offered in any of their phone calls to be there and actually hadn't even mentioned again that she was coming home. _Was it supposed to be a surprise? Did he want to surprise me at the airport?_ Maka pinched herself with an unsteady breath. _Don't fantasize._

"Yeah, is that OK?" This was a softer, genuine worried father voice.

Maka tried to sound commanding but found it withering as soon as she uttered the first word. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Look, Maka, about this _thing_ with Soul…"

"Mama's calling me." It was the lamest excuse in the book and she could hear him balk on the other end but before there was an argument she was resting the receiver back on its housing.

"How is your father?"

Maka practically jumped out of her skin, sure that now she had summoning abilities since her mother was there, Dameon balanced on her hip. "Fine. Him and… He's picking me up at the airport." The edit didn't go smoothly and her mother raised an eyebrow.

"New girlfriend?" she asked disinterestedly.

"No…" Maka shrugged. "Just, Soul said he would be there."

Rin's lips pursed as if she'd bit into a sour grape. "You'd think if he was so excited to have you home he would have called while you were gone," she shook her head flippantly.

 _We talk every night,_ Maka corrected in her head. _He sounded like he actually wanted me to come home, too, but if I say that, what will you say back?_ "Why don't you like him?"

"Maka." Rin's sighed to punctuate was aimed to dismiss any further conversation.

Maka took another step, grabbing onto her wrist because she knew the next thing was the step away. She had studied enough of those tough conversations between Rin and Spirit to know each of their exit strategies. "No, really, Mama, why don't you like Soul?"

"I never said I disliked him." Rin was trying to twist her wrist out of Maka's grasp. "It's just the way you talk about him, some of the things he's done, said, they're not entirely good for you. He's just not good for you."

"He's my partner," came trembling out as her mind screamed, _That should be a was, shouldn't it?_ "He saved my life more times than I can count and, sure, sometimes we're not _good_ to one another but that's both our faults. I'm not the best to him either. That doesn't mean-" _That I don't love him._

"He _was_ your partner," Rin echoed her correction and it tore another hole in Maka's heart. "And please don't tell me you plan to go back to _that_ as well. There are probably many better-suited partners out there-"

She was bleeding out and all she had left was that modicum of hope, the fact that he hadn't denied her coming back to him. "I'm going back to living with him," it was the most defiant sentence she could muster and it did its job, leaving Rin blinking.

"Maka, no-"

Maka hated the begging quality in her voice, "Mama, you're wrong about him."

Rin's eyes were rolling with exasperation, "Darling, you just don't know. You're so young that you _think_ this is what love is, what being with someone should be like, but you'll find out that both of you will grow apart, change."

"You're wrong," she repeated as her hands trembled into fists. "We only grew apart because of you!" The eruption slapped them both in the face, even Maka as she could finally see it, the dim light of reality behind the curtain. "I listened to you. I stood on my own, and I _hate_ it because even though I can, I'm strong enough, I don't _want_ to be. I want to lean on Soul, and I want him to do the same." The next sentence left her lips without a second thought, a surety there that she thought hadn't survived the year. "And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure things go back to the way they were."

* * *

Soul wished Spirit actually looked nervous, but he was the only owner of sweaty palms, shuffling feet, and shortness of breath. He hid his hands in his pockets and forced a deep breath but there was no fix for the tiny steps, the need to move because he was going to have to run one way or another. It was just a matter of whether it was going to be to her or away. _Either makes me a coward._

As soon as the status had changed on her gate he couldn't tear his eyes from the walkway, blinking from each face to the next while looking for splashes of blond hair.

"You know you look pretty pathetic," Spirit offered.

"Fuck you," Soul grumbled.

Spirit sighed, "You should at least smile when she comes out. The face you're making right now looks like you're waiting on the funeral procession."

Soul just dipped his head for a second, long enough to feed Spirit a glare before looking back up to those green eyes he knew so well. Those nervous feet had their momentum, pushing him a few steps forward, just enough to catch the entirety of her and the one thing in the world that brought everything in him to a sudden halt. It was that smile, the same smile she'd given him a million times with no less luster than usual. With everything else so tarnished he wondered how that could stay the same especially since he was disgusting now. Even with that thought, his body gave him no choice, his own smile coming back to him as she finally made it through the bustle of people.

"Hi-" The word wasn't half as strong as her smile but Maka didn't get the chance to get anything else out, the air knocked from her lungs with the force of his arms thrown around her.

There were a million reasons why he shouldn't, why he couldn't touch her but none of them mattered. He knew his grip was too tight but he couldn't relent as the tears started in his eyes. _Why can't I stop loving her? Why is it every time she opens her mouth, every time she looks at me, everything about her just brings it all back? Why can't I ever just let it go?_

"I think this is the longest hug I've ever gotten," Maka laughed against his chest.

"Yeah, sorry," he murmured before releasing her, his hands shaking as he brought them back into his pockets.

"I wasn't complaining." She was still smiling softly but her hand came to her face to wipe some of the tears from her eyes. "I missed you."

Soul's lips trembled on the return, "Missed you, too." He thought for a second she was moving forward to hug him again and his whole body ached for it. Instead, she moved past him to Spirit, and Soul turned his back on their embrace to give him the time to catch his breath. He had to wipe at his own cheeks, rubbing his eyes red as he tried to get the last of the liquid free. _Let it go, you idiot. And that's the last time you should hug her, at least for a while._ That thought brought another wave of tears. _And don't look at that smile. It's not for you._

"Come on, Soul, let's go."

All the breath left his mouth as her hand slipped into his.

* * *

The hand holding had started at the airport, revived first by Maka and then to feed her growing hopes he'd taken it again as he led her up the stairs, each with a bag in the other hand. _I'm going to keep doing what we always did. He can tell me 'no' but I'm not going to tell that to myself anymore._

"You hungry?" he muttered as he let go of her hand to take out his keys.

"Depends, are you cooking?" Maka produced a snort of a laugh, relieved to hear him echo it.

Soul slid the keys into the door and opened it, moving out of the way to let her in first. "I'll order your favorite."

This is what she missed and Maka could feel the loneliness flaking off of her. "Which means you're ordering _your_ favorite."

"No, this time I'll be good." Soul took the other piece of luggage from her and started down the hallway towards her room.

Maka watched him, her heart thundering in her ears. _I'm home. We're here together. It feels comfortable and real._ "Do you mind if I take a shower?"

He had just dropped the suitcases in her room and had to take a step to stick his head far out enough to meet eyes with her. "You're home. Why are you asking me?" Then the grin cracked his face, the one that Maka was sure she needed to see every day.

"Right," she laughed softly but could feel the heat coming to her cheeks. "I guess I'm going to then."

Soul nodded, "And by the time you're out, dinner will be ready."

Maka started the trek down the hallway, still smiling and laughing as she shuffled down the familiar floor. "If this is the kind of treatment I get, maybe I should go away more often."

When she got to the doorway, his hand shot out, grabbing at her bicep to stun her into freezing. "Don't, OK?"

She turned her head painfully slowly and her heart sank as his eyes weren't there to meet hers. Soul was focused completely on the floor, his white mop of hair obscuring those red orbs she wanted to read like a book. Maka tried to unpeel his fingers from her arm but found him immovable. "I was kidding, Soul."

"I'm not," he murmured. She didn't have to play at his hand anymore because it dropped as he pushed past her, moving back down the hallway and disappearing quickly into the kitchen.

Maka stood motionless for another few seconds, only hearing him shuffle around the kitchen. When he didn't return, she moved towards the bathroom, making sure to turn on the water to the point where it was obviously scalding. It didn't matter since Maka needed to wash away the last of her doubt while she picked apart his tightened grip. _He's hiding it. He wants to bury it under layers of something. And there's always…_ Maka sighed, letting the name she'd held back come to the forefront. _Nova. He has her and what am I other than that old jealous ex who technically wasn't even an ex?_

The answers to that question filled the rest of her shower into dressing. When she made it to the living room he was already there, two pizza boxes placed side by side on the coffee table. "Compromise," he laughed as she raised her eyebrows at the spread.

"Two?"

"My favorite and yours," he shrugged. "Come on, the movie's ready."

She tucked herself next to him on the floor, legs bumping into his without excuses under the table. This was pure nostalgia flecked with warming joy. His pick for the movie wasn't even that bad and Maka found herself bordering somewhere back on feeling alive. They ate their fill and sat close, his arm eventually wrapping around her shoulder until the credits rolled.

Then the spell broke, Soul bringing his arm back and staring at his hands as if he had the script written on them. "I have to go."

"It's late," Maka murmured.

"Yeah, uh," he rubbed his hands together. "I was kind of supposed to be at Nova's like an hour ago. Almost forgot with you coming home and all, but, yeah."

"Oh," Maka let the sound tremble off her tongue. _He has her. This was just an interlude, an old memory, but he has his new life to get to._ "Yeah, of course."

He shuffled to his feet, grabbed the pizza boxes, and started for the hallway only just stopping shy of gone. "You going to be OK by yourself?"

Maka couldn't bring her eyes up from the hem of her t-shirt where her fingers worried at the fabric. "I'm home, Soul, I'll be fine."

"Of course." He rocked toe to heel as he tried for a step but failed, planted in the moment. "I, uh, usually stay over there so I'll just see you in the morning."

She couldn't bear to let a sound out of her mouth, just nodding as he finally freed himself with a step into the hallway.

* * *

Soul felt each minute tick by like the beat of his own heart. There wouldn't be an ounce of sleep tonight so the clock was all he had, waiting for the right time to do the wrong thing.

_She hugged me._

_She held my hand._

_I told her I missed her._

_I recreated our old date night._

_I wrapped an arm around her shoulder._

_I wanted even more than that._

He let out a long, slow breath, his head turning to see the purple hair splayed across the pillow next to him. _But I'm here now because Maka can't just decide to come home and make it all different, can she? She ignored my letters, she said 'sorry' to the closest to 'I love you' I was ever going to get, she forgot about me. So how can she come home and act like nothing's changed? Like we're still together but not together._ _I should be angry. I should hate her. She can't just break my heart and change her mind._

One more glance at the clock and he was out of the bed. He dressed silently in the dark before letting himself out into the dimly lit hallway. Nova stayed at the dorm since she wasn't technically a stationary entity, traveling wherever that hunt for intelligence took her, and it was one of Soul's least favorite places to stay but he would never bring her back to the apartment. _Not with Maka there,_ which brought with it a resounding disgust with himself.

This was the regular walk to the bathroom but he passed it, making his way to the unlit lounge that housed two phone booths. He slipped into the hard, plastic chair and shut the door, trapping himself in the tiny cubicle. The keypad of the phone was the only illumination in the darkness and he punched in the numbers before pressing it to his ear and flopping his head back against the wall.

It took three rings before the click and her tentative whisper, "Hello?"

"Hey," he murmured back.

"Is everything OK?"

The ugly disgust reared in his gut again. _No, nothing's OK. I left you to go be with a girl I shouldn't be but I can't be with you either and I hate all of it. Every last minute of it. Not to mention I'm starting to hate myself._ "Fine, just still not on the right sleep schedule."

"Me either," she laughed softly.

"Does it feel weird?" His voice was hoarse and he suddenly realized how much he wanted to cry.

"What?"

He cleared his throat, "Being back in the apartment, does it feel weird?"

"No." Her deep breath fluctuated over the line. "It just feels weird that you're not here. Is Nova…?"

"Sleeping." _And what would she say if she knew what you were doing?_ He hated the silence that followed as if Maka was trying to give him the space to answer his own question.

Just as he was about to fill it with something, anything that wasn't another thought in that vein she shot out sharply, "Why did you call?"

"Wanted to check on you." He was slightly comforted by the fact that this was technically the truth. There was a deep seam of fear in him fed by the idea that she was gone again, that every action he did or didn't do was bound to drive her off.

There were a few taps like morse code on her side of the line, probably her fingernail against the casing of the phone. "I don't like being on the phone with you." That felt like a punch to his gut and she must have heard the ' _oomph'_ that it created. "I mean, I just, I only want to talk face to face from now on. So, just talk to me tomorrow when you come home. Try to sleep."

"You, too."

"Good night."

"Night."

The click broke another little piece off of his heart. There was a part of him that was ready to get out of that damn box, go to the apartment, and sit in the darkness with her and whisper until everything was fixed. There was something else in him that was too heavy though, planting him in that cold, unyielding chair as he finally let the tears come.


	6. Baking

There was no falling asleep after that, the idea that Soul would call her practically from another girl's bed ringing through Maka's head. _Sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean sex_ , but her mind instantly jumped back, _How naive! They're not twitterpated preteens!_ She spent at least thirty minutes arguing that moot point with herself, coming up with the conclusion that she wanted to believe that they weren't because anything else was unbearable.

Her mind then fell into the trap of replaying the moments before he'd left, the way that they had fallen into the pattern that was intrinsically _them_. No hiccups, no uneasiest marring an evening like what she used to consider their usual date night led her to believe it was possible that things weren't irreparable. _If I can show him, maybe remind him that I'm here, that I'm not going and I'm just his._ That last thought made the heat come to her face, half from the love but also from the embarrassment, the shame of him still belonging to someone else.

She got dressed quickly and checked the apartment key on her ring like it would have gone anywhere before rushing out the door and into the night air. Maka was lucky the city offered mostly anything you needed twenty-four hours a day and she only had to stop between two stores to get everything she wanted before returning to the house still covered in the night. This was a strange hour, but breaking the spell of instantly crying after hanging up the phone seemed to give her new energy especially with the particular intent of winning him back in her mind.

When Maka got back to the apartment it was straight to work in the kitchen. Since they were fifteen, she always attempted some culinary creation for his birthday and finally settled into a decent cake recipe by last year. This year Maka was promising herself it would be properly decorated, not lopsided as all years before. This year it would be perfect because the route to a man's heart was through his stomach, right?

First, it was the batter and then the rounds before slipping them in the oven. She forced herself not to watch, to just set the timer and walk around the apartment on a repeating track. Sitting and reading sounded like a good idea in theory but the nerves had her in a vice, her mind no longer occupied by recipes and lingering back into where he was right now. _Did he wake her up when he went back to bed? Does she get to hold onto him, to tangle with him because all I've been brave enough to do is that one hand on his chest and-_

She let out a strangled, frustrated scream that barely cut off the thought. To wipe away the rest she continued on the track, counting her steps so the numbers were the only thing that filled her mind until the timer went off. The rounds actually looked perfect and she left them on the cooling rack while she went to work making her icing. This was the part she usually messed up, either too liquidy so that it made the cake slip askew or too thick so that hunks pulled apart while she tried to cover the cake. Instead of remembering the woes, Maka reassured herself this was her year and got to work.

By the time the icing was ready and waiting, this time a consistency that struck Maka as perfect, it was a decent enough hour to actually call Tsubaki. Liz would be a lost cause for at least another hour, probably closer to two, but at least hearing one familiar voice would help to soothe her through the morning. Maka was right in her assumption, only taking two rings before that soft, sweet voice answered, "Hello?"

"Tsubaki," Maka cooed.

"You're home!" came as a much needed peppy little cheer in her ear.

A sigh of relief passed from Maka's lips, another feeling of normalcy warming her heart. "I am, and can I please see you?"

"If you have coffee, I can be there in ten minutes," Tsubaki laughed.

"Then I'll see you in ten!" For the moment, Maka could forget that things weren't entirely back to normal as she unlocked the front door and set out the coffee cups on the counter. She wasted the last few minutes by cleaning up in the bathroom, pretending that she had slept the night and maybe just woken up.

"Hello!" The happy call interrupted Maka as she was examining herself in the mirror, urging her back in the hallway to the sight of Tsubaki taking her shoes off in the entryway.

"I'm so happy to see you," Maka gushed as she rushed down the hall, running headlong into Tsubaki's arms.

Tsubaki tried to saturate the hug with as much warmth as she could muster, making sure to rock them back and forth before even contemplating letting go. "I missed you! But please, coffee, and then you're going to tell me all about the baby and your mom."

Maka led her into the kitchen, pouring her cup and handing it off to her before moving them to the living room. Tsubaki eased herself onto the couch, using her free hand to grasp at Maka's. "Anything new with Black Star?" She hoped to hold off on herself, wanting to be reminded of home for a little longer.

"No, no, same old 'wahoo' King of the World." Tsubaki laughed, "And you'll hear all about him when he sees you tonight at Soul's party. What I want to know is how is being a big sister? And your mom, you finally got time with her, just like you wanted."

"Yeah," Maka nodded as she slowly sipped at her coffee.

"That sounded a little underwhelming," Tsubaki's eyebrows furrowed. "You didn't enjoy it?"

"No, I did, well, part of it," she pressed the air through her lips slowly. "My baby brother, Dameon, he is amazing. I swear he's just a perfect little replica of Mama. And Mama, well… she's definitely still opinionated."

"And what opinion did she have?" Tsubaki glanced over Maka. "You didn't change your hair or anything."

"About Soul," Maka sighed out.

"Oh." Tsubaki took a minute to sip at her coffee trailing her eyes along the coffee table as she collected her thoughts.

"I know…" Maka bit at her trembling lip. "He's told me everything over the past year and I've been honest too…"

Tsubaki's will finally crumbled as her hand squeezed Maka's tightly. "But you can't be happy with it, Maka."

"No," Maka warbled.

The door made Maka jump as it shook on the hinges. "OK, I'm here," Liz's exhausted voice filtered from the hallway.

"I called her when you called me," Tsubaki shrugged. "Mostly because… well…" Tsubaki waited until Liz rounded the corner. "Liz, it's time to talk about Nova."

"Oh, that _bitch_." Liz only paused in her vitriol long enough to give Maka a crushing hug, stealing a sip from her coffee in the process. "First of all, she is _nothing_ compared to you. A piss-poor meister who couldn't make a Death's weapon to save her life."

Maka sighed, "Liz-"

"No! I get to do this now," Liz huffed as she crossed her arms. "I've had to hold it in this entire time but now that you're here this bullshit is over. Second, she doesn't treat him right. She hangs all over him in public, makes him talk to people, oh, and she _cannot_ shut her fucking mouth. Like it's Excalibur grade sharing constantly, and it's not just her business but his. Like it's appropriate to share what color underwear he wears."

"Oh," Maka withered at the idea.

"Maka, I didn't mean," Liz sighed. "But, honestly, she's staked a claim, you have to know that. That's her boyfriend for sure. And you need to be prepared for tonight."

That slithering doubt settled into her stomach, "And he's definitely… he's with her right now, you know? We were together last night, just us, and he still left." Maka didn't even have a second to try to collect herself before the tears rushed from her eyes, saturating her cheeks.

"Oh, Maka." Tsubaki handed off her coffee cup to Liz who happily accepted it before wrapping both arms around Maka, pulling her closer on the couch.

"Well, that's going to fucking change," Liz hissed before taking another swig of coffee.

"We can't break them up," Tsubaki reminded her even though it had been a constant theme in the conversation between the two of them leading up to Maka coming home.

"I'm still all for planting a pair of Black Star's boxers in her bed at the dorm," Liz smirked. "But, no, OK, no sabotage, but you're home now, so this idiot charade is over, right?"

Maka cleared some of the tears from her face, her voice warbling, "I want to show him that I love him, that we can still go back to what we were."

"Show him?" Liz almost shrieked. "No, we are way past that. You _tell_ him. That's what you two got wrong in the first place. Neither of you can man up and _say_ anything, just think that your cute little hand-holding and fully clothed co-sleeping was enough."

Her teeth worried at her lips before bringing back one of the worst moments of the past year, "I might have… I told him that he didn't need me because it wasn't like we were in love."

"You _what?_ " Liz was thankful for the porcelain in her hands instead of one of those to-go cups or else she'd be wearing the coffee instead as her fingers clenched into the cup. "You told him you _weren't_? On what planet did that seem like a good idea?"

"Liz-" Tsubaki tried to soften as she held onto Maka a little tighter.

The tall blond wouldn't be silenced, "Your Soul, the guy that you've pined over since you started considering the opposite sex, you told him that you didn't love him?"

Maka sighed, "I said we weren't in love. I wanted him to tell me I was wrong."

Liz narrowed her eyes at Maka as the puzzle pieces snapped into place. "That's what your damn fight was about, wasn't it? Not just the year extension but you had the nerve to lob him that poorly tossed softball and instead of knocking it out of the park he threw it back in your face!"

"Without the softball terminology," Tsubaki requested.

"Maka was hoping he'd do the romantic thing and confess but he flew off the handle instead. Did I miss anything?" Liz punctuated her completely unnecessary question with a self-satisfied sip of her coffee.

"No," Maka lamented.

Liz studied her for another minute, lips pressed into a thin line. "Well, now I kind of get Soul's Don Juan act, but still, this _bitch_ has to go." She drained the last of the coffee before clacking the cup to the table. "So let's come up with a plan."

* * *

Soul tried not to notice how tearful Maka looked on the couch as he slunk in at 10 AM especially since even his minutest reaction was being read by both Tsubaki and Liz. All he offered was a soft ' _hey'_ and a toss of his hand that resembled a wave before continuing down the hallway to his room. _The tears were just her missing her mom or being happy to see the girls or just whatever regular things she cries about. It has nothing to do with me._ That thought did nothing to settle his stomach as it lurched at the mental image of her in the living room again.

He threw himself on the bed, hoping for a swift demise of suffocation by pillow. Of course, there was no such reprieve since before his lungs could start to burn the door opened, sending him shooting up on his elbows. "Ma-" he forced his lips shut before he got the whole thing out, his eyes focusing on Liz as she slammed the bedroom door behind her.

Liz sat at his desk without asking. "As if she'd come into your room without knocking."

"Yeah, she has manners," Soul grumbled before he collapsed back onto the bed. "What do you want? I'm tired."

"From being up all night at your girlfriend's? Lots of hot, kinky sex or something?"

"Or something," Soul sighed. "Again, Elizabeth, what do you want?"

Liz raised her eyebrows, "Full name treatment."

"I'm not in the mood," he groaned.

She huffed in reply, "Neither am I, so cut the crap, turn over and look at me so I can make sure you've listened to all of this."

Soul knew an order when he heard it and while Liz wasn't going to be his meister any time soon, he knew better than to disregard _that_ voice. He settled in exactly as she asked, sitting crossed-legged on his bed. "I'm listening."

Liz crossed her arms, holding on tight while she let the words loose. "You're in for trouble tonight and I think you know that. First of all, that bitch-"

"Hey," Soul put up a hand.

Liz shook her head firmly, "Nope, I call it as I see it and she's a bitch, Soul."

Soul sighed, "Guess that's your opinion."

"Something tells me your opinion is _not_ that far off, but that's a whole other discussion I'm not ready to have with you," Liz paused only for another gulping breath of air to get the rest out as succinctly as possible. "That bitch is going to start something with Maka. We both know it. And while Maka's a boss on the battlefield, she's not ready for this fight. She's not going to be able to take it between seeing you with her and whatever it is Nova is going to say or do."

Soul clenched his jaw tightly, getting one good grind in before hissing out, "Maka shouldn't have a problem with seeing me with Nova. _She's_ the one who didn't answer my letters, didn't bother to answer me when I said I loved her, so why the hell should she be jealous?"

The shock flew across Liz's face, "You said you loved her?"

"Yeah, I tried, Liz," Soul threw up his hands as he continued to strain the words through his teeth. "That first letter I wrote her, right after the damn fight, I told her. All I asked was for her to say we were in love but by the time she got the guts to talk to me again all she could say was ' _sorry'_ and here we fucking are."

Liz shook her head, her hands losing the urge to hold onto the bossy pose in the face of this confusion. "She didn't say anything about letters, Soul."

He jutted his shoulders quickly, "She probably didn't tell you because they're fucking embarrassing. Me pouring my damn heart out like a fucking uncool sap. She probably read the first one and threw the rest out."

"No," Liz urged, "that's not Maka and you know it. If she read that-"

"Liz, stop," that was a hair above a shout and he had to take a breath to rein in the volume. _She got those letters. She read those letters. There's no other way it could have gone._ "If she gets hurt tonight, it's her own damn fault and I'm not going to save her."

"Soul," Liz was revving up that voice that was stolen out of the mouth of every mother, the one that was loving while still wanting to kick your ass. "Saving her is what you do."

"What I _did_ ," Soul corrected. "I told you, she made it clear she doesn't need me anymore. We're friends. We're roommates. That's it." That only brought a flood of terror to his heart as if he needed to knock on wood, rub a lucky rabbit's foot, and throw salt over his shoulder all at the same time. _That can never be it and you know it. You're talking a big talk right now but you're fucking weak._

Liz shook her head once more for good measure, "You're wrong. You're fucking stubborn and you're wrong, but I guess we'll see. Just don't hate me when I say I told you so."


	7. Breaking

_So far so good,_ Maka tried to reassure herself as she bobbed her head along with the conversation. Ox was telling some story that she was supposed to be deeply interested in but Maka was still occupied with scanning the room, trying not to look at Soul or Nova because that was a disaster from the beginning. Maka and Soul had come together but as soon as he entered not only was he spun into the spotlight but Nova instantly had her arms around his neck, cooing about ' _the birthday boy'_ and making sure to add a few lippy kisses. The worst part was that since that moment, it felt like Soul hadn't even acknowledged her existence, his eyes always on _that girl_ and her stupid- _No, stop, it's not her fault. It's you. It's the two of you._

But Maka's dislike wasn't totally rooted in the problem, more fed by the traits that Liz had already pointed out. Nova's voice was often booming over the music and the snippets of conversation that Maka overheard were endless overshare as if the girl had no shame. Maka's deepest hope was that she could avoid any possible interaction and, for the most part, she'd succeeded especially since her attention was wanted by many in the room. A whole year away had left her with many friends to catch up with and between Black Star and the rest of EATs, there was never a quiet moment.

It was what Maka would consider half-way through the night when her exhaustion started to catch up with her. Not sleeping at all had been a poor choice but hindsight would always be 20/20. This led Maka on a search for a coffee pot since the dorm auxiliary room usually had one hidden away in the shelves of the side kitchen. She slipped into the tiny galley kitchen, effectively its own little side room off of the main hall where people were meandering, and set about looking in the cabinets.

"So you're Maka." The words were a threat but the tone was pleasant, almost sing-songy.

Maka turned quickly, her back pressing against the countertop as she focused on a face that she wished she didn't know as well as she did. "And you're Nova, right?" She tried to be just as peppy, but the smile trembled on her lips.

"Right," Nova gave a sharp nod. "You know you're pretty famous. Almost as important tonight as the birthday boy since I hear you're back from a one-year hiatus."

"I'm happy I could be home for this," Maka could at least let that out unwavering. "I've never missed Soul's birthday."

"Cute," Nova smirked. "What a devoted meister. You _were_ his partner, right?"

 _She knows the answer to that, so why is she asking?_ "I technically still am," she tried not to make that a murmur, to set that statement out knowingly instead. "I know you're not partnered with him."

Nova let out a short laugh, "No, he has a rule about that. You don't mix dating with work."

"That must be new." Maka couldn't help but feel the hackles rise on the back of her neck as she turned back to the cabinets, trying to give the conversation the attention that it deserved which was a bare minimum. She hoped that would send its own message but as she finally put her hand on the coffee pot and brought it to the counter she found Nova standing next to her, eyes narrowed.

"You know, he doesn't talk about you half as much as I expected him to," she cooed. "Lots of people told me he was a lost cause but I'm not sure his past keeps him up at night as much as it used to."

Maka let out a weak laugh, her mind instantly ready to point out the record of 3 AM phone calls. _Don't. You're not here to fight with her. You're here to be with him. She's not part of your plan._ "There's no reason for him to talk about me," Maka strained.

"But you were his first, weren't you? Some cute little teenage romance that maybe got a little hot and steamy before you left?" Nova was leaning into her now, planting her hand on the counter between Maka and the coffee pot, but the real threat was in her words. The idea had already cut her right to the core, her eyes feeling hot with tears she tried desperately to refuse. "Was he as prudish for you as he was for me? He takes a lot of work, but-"

The fist to the door made them both jump.

* * *

Technically, Soul was watching Nova, and not exactly staring but that looking without looking he'd perfected over the years of trying to catch as many glimpses of Maka as he could. It was a constant effort not to let his eyes flit to Maka, but at the very least he could make sure that there was no interaction, no headbutting between the two. _And now you're just proving Liz right. You're protecting Maka who you said didn't need protection._ He watched Nova flutter around, the social butterfly act that he definitely couldn't force himself to enjoy. She liked the limelight, that was for sure, and that was one of those things he _lived_ with.

 _Ask yourself right now, Soul, do you even really like her?_ Soul tried not to grimace at the idea, knowing that party Soul meant a constant smirk on his features. _And what about Liz's reaction to the letters? Maka would have told her for sure, no matter how embarrassing which means_ \- Soul cut off that thought as he watched Nova's eyes follow a line before walking intently in that direction. He hadn't caught sight of whatever her target was but watched Nova go into the little room off the main hall, that kitchen that was too small to deserve to be called a kitchen.

As Nova disappeared through the door, Soul tried to stall. _Whatever, it's probably to get more drinks from the fridge or-_ He cut himself off again as he let his eyes scan the entire room, looking for the blond head and feeling his heart start to pound as he kept coming up empty. Soul didn't finish the full sweep before his feet practically broke into a run for the doorway to the kitchen. His first sight was Nova leaning into Maka, slick words slipping off her lips, and Soul couldn't stop himself from punching the door frame. "What are you doing?"

Maka's eyes were the first to shoot to his just in time to let a few tears fall down her cheeks, her mouth gaping silently.

"Nothing," Nova shrugged. "Just meeting your friend."

Soul charged into the room before grabbing Nova's wrist, pulling her a safe step away from Maka. "What did you _say_?"

"Nothing, just girl talk," Nova cooed. "Don't be so uptight."

He tossed her hand but when he reached for Maka she side-stepped him, banging her hip into the cabinet in the process of trying to maneuver in the tight spot. "Maka-"

"Don't," Maka yelped as she ran out of the kitchen.

Soul started the steps after her but felt his shirt catch. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

He didn't even bother to snap his head back, just forcing his shirt out of her grasp with his forward motion. "I'm taking her home. I'll be back."

"You're not leaving!" She tried but he was already out the door, just hearing the dregs of her voice over the music as he got back to the party at large. She wasn't on the floor, and Liz and Tsubaki were still intact, thankfully with backs to the entire situation. He started for the stairwell, knowing she'd at least have to go that way to leave and crossed all his fingers and toes.

He found her at the bottom, her sobs muffled by a hand pressed to her mouth. She released it as soon as he put his hand to her shoulder. "Don't," she repeated weakly. She was trapped, having pressed herself into the little alcove at the bottom of the stairs so she had no choice but to turn towards him as her hands tried to get rid of the last of the tears on her face.

"I'm walking you home," he sighed.

"It's your party and you-"

"I'm walking you home," he repeated a little louder as if the problem was she hadn't heard it. To prove his point his hand came out, not waiting for hers but grabbing it and pulling her a step forward. "Let's go."

Maka shook her head, trying to resist because it was all true, all of the thoughts in her head validated by that girl. "Go back to the party."

"No," he answered flatly. "I'll come back after but I'm dropping you off at home first."

Soul saw the gears working in her head and Maka was about to open her mouth again when she heard the quick footsteps on the stairs. "You walked away from me!" Nova shouted before instantly shooting a hand out at Maka. "And now you're down here holding her hand?"

"I'm taking her home," once again it was that blank, steady answer. "Then I'll come back and we'll talk."

"No, she's part of this so why don't you just get it over with right now?" Nova took a few rushed steps down the stairs, leaning over the rail towards Maka. "You're the reason why he can't fuck anyone, after all. Some stupid little fantasy-"

"That's enough," Soul interrupted as he planted a firm hand on Nova's arm, yanking her back to look at him. "Be ready to talk when I get back."

"Why can't you be man enough and do it now?"

 _Because the things I would say to you would hurt her, and no matter how much I think I might fucking want to, I can't._ Soul forced a shrug with a sigh before pulling Maka behind him, making sure to keep her out of grasping range before turning to press her out of the stairwell and into the hallway. Maka's eyes were like a deer's in headlights as he kept a hand clutched to her elbow to lead her along.

No matter how much he wanted the embarrassment to come all he could feel was that ringing sadness that threatened to engulf him.

* * *

There weren't words she could think of that could apply to this moment and silence was all he gave for the entire walk. It didn't feel fair to be hopeful especially with how embarrassing she imagined Nova's outburst had been to him, but she couldn't deny that it meant something to her. _It could all be a figment of Nova's imagination, but if she had thought Soul was distant because of me, then maybe…_

Soul only let go of her elbow to open the apartment door, having kept a firm hold for every second since the stairwell. He motioned for her to go first and Maka moved as fast as she could into the sanctuary of their space.

"Soul…"

He put up a weak hand, "Not now, OK? I just… I have to go back and then…" That hand moved up to sweep through his hair, a desperate sigh escaping his lips.

"I just-"

"Maka, please," this was begging his hand falling to his side as a tremble started in the lower lip of his frown.

"It's not about that," she murmured as she busied her hands at the hem of her shirt. "It's just that before you go back, I want to give you something."

A slight gape parted his lips before his eyebrows narrowed. "You mean, like a gift? For my birthday?"

"Yes," Maka couldn't keep her voice small, a little of the excitement starting to trickle into her veins as she watched him not instantly be turned off by the idea.

A short puff of a laugh left his throat. "OK."

"Can you go to the living room? I'll meet you there." Maka pressed past him into the kitchen and waited until she heard his footsteps recede in the hall. As soon as she knew he was far enough away she went into the fridge, taking out the careful arrangement of leftovers and condiments that she had used to hide the perfectly iced cake in the corner. She put it on the counter before fiddling in the drawers, once again moving items she had specifically put in front of the candles and matches. The finished product was more beautiful than she could have imagined and Maka let herself stand for just an extra second more admiring it, hoping that it wasn't the last good feeling of the night.

She left the plates and the serving knife in the kitchen, planning a second trip after the initial shock and awe wore off. With a hand carefully placed in front of the flames, Maka made her way down the hallway and into the living room. Soul was sitting on the couch, his head rising when she entered, the confusion rinsing instantly from his face with a wash of utter surprise. She set the cake down in front of him before slowly easing next to him, her thigh pressed to his. "Happy birthday."

"It's not lopsided," he laughed before pressing a hand to his mouth like he needed to catch it.

"No, it's not," she beamed, still letting an ounce of that pride come back. "Blow out the candles."

"And make a wish," he whispered softly to himself, Maka only watching his lips move and barely catching the sound. Soul tried to get them all in one blow, finding none of the candles giving into his breath. He tried again before laughing, "Trick candles?"

"I thought I was going to have another disaster cake on my hands, so I thought I'd have to make it interesting," Maka laughed shortly, the nervousness choking the end.

She watched as Soul reached out his fingers, fizzling one of the lit candles out between his pointer and his thumb, a little bit of a hiss sucking between his teeth. Maka waited for him to look at her but he didn't, eyes focused so intently on the rest of the flames.

"Soul, I…" again, there was a short choke, especially as his eyes stayed intent on the cake. "I'm sorry if I ruined tonight but I never would have missed this for the world. You are… you were right when you said that I had another family and I know now that it's with you, that being with you is the family I'm meant to be with, that I feel right with."

Soul's jaw clenched before he blinked out a tear but his eyes refused to move.

Maka slowly brought her hands up, cupping his cheeks to both clear away the liquid and turn his head to her. Soul allowed it, eyes finally focusing in on her as her thumbs cleared another wave of tears. "I want to always stay with you." Maka closed her eyes, her head tilting slightly as she tried to bring him closer.

Instead, his hand grasped at her throat loosely, stopping any motion and shooting her eyes open in surprise. "Stop," he murmured.

It was strange to see what Maka could only read as rage in his eyes, and she found the panic started to tremble in her heart. "Why?"

His jaw gritted again, "I'm still with Nova."

"Why?" she repeated again, this time coming as a forlorn cry.

The sound of it must have snapped something in him because the hand tightened, grit digging into his words. "Because you can't change your mind. You can't just ignore me, throw away my letters, and then change your fucking mind." He added a rough shake to her head, his eyes burning as his jaw went back to working on itself.

Maka's head was spinning, her skin burning under a touch that she'd never experienced from him before. It was actually starting to hurt, a sensation that Maka hadn't felt unless he was engulfed in that Madness. "Your letters? Soul, I never got any letters."

"You don't have to lie to me-"

"I'm not lying!" she immediately pleaded back.

"You're full of shit!" Soul instantly released her, getting to his feet and rushing for the hallway. He hesitated, turning on his heels to stare at her, his lips trembling as if to let out one more scream. Instead, it was a guttural groan as if his innards were being ripped from him before he charged the rest of the way into the hallway, the slam of the door coming only seconds later.

Maka held her breath, staring at the candles as they started to wobble in her tear-filled vision.

* * *

_Go back._

_Go back!_

_GO BACK!_

Soul's mind was nothing more than a whirlwind of those words and a million others.

_She didn't know about the letters. Liz said it, she said it, both of them aren't lying to you especially since you know that isn't Maka. It's not like Maka to get a piece of one of your secrets and to ignore it, even if it's dark. You knew that all along, too, you're just-_

"No," he groaned out, stopping right outside the dorm. He teetered on his heels before crashing through the door. There was no choice but to run up the stairs, barely making it back through the door before Liz met him.

"Where's Maka?" She hissed.

"I took her home," he murmured, a hand coming to his face to try to catch those tears from coming back. _And I hurt her. I hurt her so badly._

"Why, what happened?" Liz pushed him back a step, leaving her hands steadied on his shoulder.

"You can say 'I told you so,'" Soul muttered before taking in a long, gasping breath, the tears breaking from his eyes again.

"Oh, honey, no," Liz continued the motion, bringing him back into the stairwell. "Why are you crying?"

"I hurt her," he croaked. "I…" he clenched his fists, remembering putting one around her neck, shaking her like he was overtaken with the Madness again. Even then he felt guilty, even without the control, but this he could have stopped, should have stopped. "Go to the apartment, Liz. Check on her, please?"

Liz shook her head, "Come with me."

"I've gotta do something first." Soul took one last second to clear the mess from his face before pushing past her, not wanting to catch another glance of that sorry look on Liz's face. "Go," he tossed over his shoulder before walking back into the party. He caught one or two glances but barreled through them, looking for that bright purple hair in the crowd. It wasn't a surprise that she was standing there staring at him, hands on hips as he shuffled over. Still feeling the burn of the shame, Soul forced his hands in his pockets, "Come to your room with me."

"No," Nova laughed. "I'm already fucking embarrassed since you left your own party. Just get it over with."

Soul sighed, "That's not how I want-"

"No, you want to go back and fuck your other little girlfriend," Nova snapped.

"Stop," Soul growled. "Come to your room with me, _please_."

"Tell me you didn't take her home and-"

"I didn't do anything," he screamed, trying not to notice how the spin of the room stopped around him. "And leave her the fuck out of it."

"Then do it," Nova pushed. "Look like the fucking creep that everyone's going to think you are after you dump your real girlfriend as soon as your make-believe one comes home."

"I'm not doing this for her," Soul hissed back, "and I don't give a fuck what they think, or what you think. I'm done because _I_ want to be done. I'm over this stupid dating shit, I'm over swallowing my tongue, and I'm not going to do shit that just fucking hurts anymore. So I'm sorry, Nova, and don't you dare ever, _ever_ talk to her again."

* * *

If you asked Spirit, his daughter crying would be the absolute top of the list of things he hated and he couldn't decide if it got worse with age. When he opened the door, he saw her at five with a skinned knee, ten with a broken finger, and now almost nineteen with a broken heart. The first two he'd been able to repair, had healed with time, but the fix to this kind of thing always eluded him. Worse yet, he was pretty sure this was becoming a chronic condition.

"What did the kid do?" Spirit sighed as he pulled her into the house, not even getting the usual resistance as he brought her into a hug. Sobs were his only reply, and probably the only reply he would get for phrasing the question that way since Maka was never one to throw Soul under the bus no matter how bad he'd been. Spirit held her like that for a few minutes, waiting for the trembling shoulders to relax. As soon as the heaving stopped he walked her to the couch and sat her down.

He started on the regular calm-Maka-down routine. He positioned the box of tissues in front of her, threw the comfiest blanket her way, and then mosied into the kitchen and started the tea. The only sound was the shuffle of his feet and the bubbling of the water, a relief washing over him that she wasn't still choking out sobs. When the tea was ready, he loaded up the tray and made his way back to the living room.

Maka was wrapped in the blanket, a tissue being worried to death in her fingers. "Papa, it wasn't his fault."

"Ah, Saint Soul, always the victim when my daughter is crying," Spirit muttered as he put the tray down on the coffee table. He sat down next to her, grabbing his cup in one hand and placing the other on the back of her head. "So what isn't his fault?"

"Everything," Maka shuddered out a sigh, bringing the tissue preemptively to her eyes to dab tears that weren't there yet. "Papa, sometimes I think he _hates_ me. Not just that he's angry but he can't stand to look at me anymore."

"Which is why he wanted you to live there with him again, so he could mean-mug you and hate you?" Spirit smirked, receiving a weak eye roll from his daughter. "What makes you think he hates you?"

Maka let the moment play over in her mind again, a new wash of tears hitting her cheeks. "He yelled at me and I know he's yelled at me before, Papa, but not like this. He was just so angry. He said he sent me letters. Did he? Do you know?"

"Yeah," Spirit shrugged. "Marie suggested it to him when you left. I thought it was kind of lame but the kid liked it. Told Marie he sent you one at least once a week."

She racked her brain as if it would change the memories in her head. "I never got any letters, Papa. Not one. And I know they couldn't all get lost, I'm not that stupid, but that means… Do you think Mama would?"

"Rin?" Spirit let that question answer for a few breaths as he bit at his lip.

The lack of an answer made the hair stand up on her neck. "Would Mama keep them from me?"

"Fuck," Spirit muttered before pressing the cup to his lip, hoping for some strength from the tea but finding just bitterness.

"Papa, did she?" Maka had dropped the tissue and her hands were digging into the blanket.

Spirit sighed, "She didn't say she did that, but look…" He paused, taking the hand from her hair because at this point he was sure he no longer deserved the affection and settled it next to its mate on his cup. "At the wedding, Rin and I talked. She was pretty shaken up by the way you and Soul were and I tried to explain that, well, you two were you two and she should let whatever was happening happen, but she didn't like that plan."

Maka was once again reaching through memories, trying to recreate every possible sin that she and Soul committed during the wedding. _We danced together, we talked, we ate, we slept together but that was normal, fully clothed and just in the same bed because I needed him so badly that night, that whole day._ "What do you mean the way Soul and I were? What did we do?"

That frank smile came over his face as he sighed wistfully, a father not exactly wanting to admit his daughter was grown. "You were in love, Maka. Maybe that wasn't clear yet to you two but everyone else sees it. I've known it for a couple of years and Rin saw it. She was scared you were about to rush into something, make a mistake, and have history repeat itself. I wish she'd listened to me when I said that the two of you haven't been rushing anywhere."

A hopeless, trembling whimper broke her lips as the tears streamed down her face. "You knew?"

Spirit shook his head with a soft laugh, "Honey, like I said, everyone knows."

"It's not present tense," Maka corrected with a broken sob.

"What, you don't love him anymore? A few dates at Rin's and you're over him?" Spirit raised his eyebrows playfully.

She blew a long breath between her lips, "Papa…"

"OK, no joking," Spirit hardened his smile into something that resembled seriousness, "Do you still love him, Maka?"

Maka pulled the blanket around her tightly before letting her head fall back against the couch. "I do."

"So let's not make it past tense just yet, OK?" Spirit sipped at his tea, watching her eyes as they focused on the ceiling.

She let the thought sit in her mind, feeding just a second's worth of hope. _Everyone else knew we were in love._ "Papa, do you think Mama has those letters?"

"Don't know, kiddo," Spirit sighed.

Maka rolled her head to the side, staring Spirit down. "If I ask her, do you think she'll be honest with me?"

He needed to put down his cup so he could find her hands in the blankets and cradle them. "I'm going to ask you to let me do this, OK?"

"What do you mean?" Maka blinked at him as her fingers tightened.

"Let me handle talking to your mother about this." _Because I'm supposed to be the bad guy. I drove your mother off, I cheated, and that hurt you just as much as it did her. I don't want Rin to hurt you, too._

"Why?"

Spirit shook the real reason from his head before smiling, "Consider it punishment for not putting my foot down at the wedding."

Maka let the skepticism fall away as she gave his hands another squeeze. "I hope she has them."

 _Me, too, but I wouldn't put it past her to throw them away. Oh, Death, she better not have._ Spirit tried not to let that thought flutter out his lips. He took his hands back, replacing them with her cup from the tray. "Take this upstairs and get into bed. Stay here tonight and I promise we'll figure it out tomorrow."

She looked at the amber liquid for a moment before nodding. "Alright, Papa." It was a slow crawl off the couch and up the stairs. After dropping the tea off in her old room she moved to the bathroom, trying her best to get through the nightly routine. As soon she was back to the door of her room, she heard Spirit's voice drifting up from the kitchen. Instead of taking the step forward, she moved back, easing down the stairs in the long memorized pattern to avoid the squeaks. She made it to the entryway without alarming him, though, from the sound of him, she could have barrelled down the stairs and he never would have noticed.

"I can't believe you did that, Rin," it was just a hair below a yell.

Maka pressed against the wall, her ear angled towards the doorway as she held her breath.

"You're going to send over the whole damn box, overnight." Spirit instantly took in a huge breath and left a pause so short that Maka was sure that her mother may have gotten one word in reply. "I don't care how much it costs. You played a game with your daughter's heart, I think twenty bucks is a small price to pay."

 _So she did. There were letters and she kept them from me._ The tears were immediate, springing up to completely obscure her vision.

"Of course it was a game and you were the only one who won," Spirit's warbling voice broke through Maka's own lamenting. "You can call me whatever you want, Rin, but don't act like I don't know my daughter. She was _in love_ with him, and you didn't see that kid when she left. You didn't see him screaming, crying, his hands fucking bloody-"

Maka had to press her hands to her mouth to stop the sick wailing moan from leaving her lips. _What did he do to himself? Oh, I want to take it back. I need to take it all back. I need to do it over again and not run, not foolishly listen to Mama._

"No, you're going to send them right now. I'm not kidding. I want to see them by tomorrow or I'll do everything in my power to keep her away from you." It was strange to hear Spirit threaten Rin, something that Maka had never heard even through the worst years.

She knew this was the time to move if she wanted to keep the illusion of not knowing as the conversation was obviously ending. As she shuffled quietly to the top of the stairs she heard the last bit of yelling, the clank of the phone against the receiver. By the time she was in her bed, he was walking up the stairs.

Spirit opened the door to her room slowly, taking a look at the unmoving Maka between the sheets. He sighed heavily and muttered something under his breath that Maka desperately tried to catch. The sound gave her an opening and she rolled onto her back. "Papa?"

"Just checking on you. Go back to sleep," Spirit murmured.

"Papa…" Maka sat up slowly, putting on a good act of blinking awake. "Can I have one more hug?"

Spirit didn't hesitate and rushed to her side to wrap his arms around her. He waited a few breaths, gauging whether or not there were new tears, and when none came he whispered. "At the risk of sounding cheesy, it's all going to be alright."

Maka managed to snort out a laugh, "I'll take cheesy right now." The next breath faltered, tears again threatening in her eyes. "I wish I'd never gone to Mama's."

"Thinking about the past isn't going to do a thing," Spirit sighed, finding a little too much irony in his comment. "You can only make decisions about now and I really suggest sleeping on that." He finally released her and cleared the hair from her face, looking at the delicate features he'd stared at maybe a million times. "Stay here tomorrow, too, OK?"

"Why, Papa?"

Spirit contemplated the truth before only offering her, "Give you more time to think, kiddo. Make a plan."

Maka nodded, "Alright, I'll stay."

"No argument? Just like that?" Spirit laughed.

She let out a small laugh as she leaned back into the bed, strangely content with feeling him tuck the blankets around her shoulders. "Good night, Papa. Thank you."

Spirit eased off the bed and moved back to the doorway, pausing before he got the door halfway closed. "If he calls, you want to talk to him?"

"Yes," Maka sighed. " _If_ he calls."

"Sure, _if._ " Spirit closed the door behind him before quickly ascending the stairs, bringing himself right back to where he came from. He picked up the receiver again, sighed deeply in preparation, and dialed the number.

Spirit didn't have to wait, the first ring barely finishing before Soul was practically shouting into the phone, "Maka, I'm _sorry_ -"

"Have you been saying that to everyone that calls or am I the first?" Spirit couldn't help but laugh.

"Damnit, Spirit," Soul sighed.

Spirit wasn't exactly falling victim to Soul's woe, his optimism sparked by the idea that at least the letters existed. "She's here, just letting you know. Gonna stay at least part of tomorrow, too."

"I don't blame her," he grumbled. "She OK, though?"

"Crying," Spirit had to pause because of the frustrated groan erupting from the other end of the line. "She's somehow got it in her head that you hate her."

"Oh, fuck," Soul's voice warbled and caught.

"I know it's none of my business, but can I get confirmation on that?"

"Of course I don't fucking hate her," he snapped.

"Then do me a favor," Spirit dropped the humor, that steely quality coming to his voice. "Meet me tomorrow. Late afternoon."

"Why?" it came out like a scoff.

Spirit rolled his eyes for no one to see. "Ugh, both of you always asking for my motives. Just meet with me, idiot."

Soul sighed, "Fine, when?"

"After I get the mail."


	8. Reading

Soul had never been in more of a rush in his entire life, definitely breaking all his cardio records as he ran back from the dorm to the apartment. Even the exercise couldn't stop his brain from screaming the entire time, that long string of repeating ' _no'_ spiced up with a few haphazard begs that not only would she be there but would be willing to talk to him. He was no pretty sight by the time he got to the door, his heart dropping into his gut as he found the wrong blond standing next to it.

"Locked, no answer," Liz sighed.

"Fuck," he muttered as he took out his keys, unlocking the door, and rushing into the apartment. It wasn't a big place so it took a matter of seconds for him to reassure himself of what he already should have known: Maka was gone. "Fuck," he croaked again but this time it brought with it another wave of tears.

"Hey, Soul, come on…" Liz got a hold of him, her arm wrapping around his shoulder. "She's probably just at Spirit's."

"Yeah," he hiccupped, "But I… oh, Liz, I can't. I'm never going to be able to look at her straight ever again, I… I'm shit. Complete _shit_."

"Slow down," Liz patted him again as she pulled him towards the living room.

That only made matters worse especially as the cake still sat on the coffee table. "Oh, _fuck_ ," he moaned.

"It's not lopsided," Liz sighed. "She did a good job."

"And I hurt her for it," Soul lamented as he wriggled out of Liz's arms. "I _hurt_ her, Liz. She tried to kiss me and I grabbed her because I just couldn't let her hurt me."

"A hurt for a hurt isn't like you," Liz murmured as her arms wrapped around herself.

"Because I'm not me," he pleaded back. "I haven't been me since she left. And the whole reason was bullshit. She never got those letters. You said it and so did she and I didn't want to believe it but her _face_ , Liz. She wasn't lying. I just needed her to be lying to justify it all, to be hurt, to be angry, and why? So I could stay that way. So it could be ruined because I don't know what to do if it's not."

"If it's not ruined?" Liz blinked at him, resisting the urge to smack him upside the head as she would in most other situations. "If it's not ruined you go back to loving each other. What else did you expect? So you were wrong. Tell her you were wrong. Apologize. She probably should have given you a black eye for grabbing her, and I can't say it's exactly forgivable, but you talk it out with her. You finally do what you idiots should have done all along and lay it out on the table."

"It's not-" The ring of the phone broke off his words, sending Soul into a panicked dash to the hallway. The receiver was barely to his mouth before he let out, "Maka, I'm _sorry_ -"

Then came Spirit's surprisingly happy banter. Soul was sure that the only thing Spirit would have to offer was the start of a screaming match, but instead it was a strange offer to meet, so hopeful and peppy that he wondered if Spirit wasn't drunk. As Soul hung up the phone he stood dumbfounded, staring at the white piece of plastic.

"Good news?" Liz peeked her head into the hallway.

Soul shrugged, "Sure, I've got a date with Spirit."

* * *

The package had come at noon, a shoebox that was stuffed to the brim and wrapped in paper. Spirit left it just the way he found it even though his curiosity was killing him to actually see how many letters the kid had managed to write her. He was smiling as he knocked and waited for her answer before opening the door, finding Maka still laying in bed, a book open across the bedspread. "Your letters are here."

That quickly brought Maka to sitting but her hands clutched in her lap, threatening to tear up the sheets.

"I know I don't have to tell you to read them, Maka." Spirit moved close enough to put the box in her lap over her worrying hands and placed his hand softly on her head. "The kid wrote them and sent them for a reason. Stay up here, read them, and make a plan."

Maka nodded slowly as she already started to nibble at her lip. Spirit smoothed her hair once before turning back to the door and shutting it behind him. She took a moment to study Rin's handwriting, the fine way she curled letters on a page and wondered exactly what emotions had run through her mind when she hid these and again when she finally let them go. "What did you want to happen, Mama?" she asked the box.

When it gave no answer, Maka ripped open the paper, revealing a completely innocuous shoebox, something that she had maybe even seen, touched, moved in a closet, and never knew that it was filled with misplaced love. She threw the lid to the side and found pristine letters packed tight from front to back with some squashed in the sides, at least one for every week of that year but obviously much more than that. Maka started to unpack them, trying to ignore the instant feeling of wonder that seeing his handwriting produced since he was never one to write, not even a note because Death forbid, and started to arrange them by postdate.

Some envelopes thick with pages and others flimsy. Her fingers glanced over the row she'd made on the bed and picked up the latest letter, the one sent the week before she was scheduled to leave. She was careful when tearing it open, not wanting to risk injury to the precious cargo inside. It was one single folded sheet of music paper, strange stationary but at least one that made sense.

" _This'll be my last letter since you're coming home. Or it'll be my last letter until you leave again because something in me won't let it be real. Something says you're going to come back just to take one look at me and realize why you stayed gone in the first place. Does it make me full of myself to think that I'm the reason you're gone?"_

" _Scared is kind of an understatement right now. I-"_ There were a few scribbles here, starts and stops that he'd blackened out and almost tore through the page. " _I want everything to go back. I want to erase all this shit in the middle and just go back right to last year's birthday and tell you no. Tell you that you couldn't go. I'd take all the shit in the world for being possessive, for being ridiculous, for being mean and let you be mad at me for all that. I wish I had all the magic in the fucking world to do that."_

" _Instead, you're coming home to me as a liar, a coward, someone living a life that they don't like. I'm ashamed of what you're going to see because you used to tell me I was cool, and that's the last thing I am now. And I guess I'm scared that you're going to see all that and just not care. You're going to come home and prove to me what I said - that we were, are nothing."_

" _Worst of all, I want you to come home and magically fix all of it because I can't. But when I look back at a year of unanswered letters, you'd think I'd know my answer already, that you don't want to. You'd think a whole year had taught me that you don't want me and I'd have set myself straight. Instead, you're going to come home, I'm going to keep loving you, and it's going to kill me."_

* * *

Soul was scared he'd have to ring the bell but thankfully as he trudged up the walkway the door opened, Spirit looking strangely pleased. "As promised, Maka's upstairs."

"OK," Soul answered and took a tentative step into the house, still not entirely able to let go of the idea that this was somehow a trap.

Spirit motioned towards the living room and watched as Soul took the same exact seat that Maka had been in the night before, the only difference being his worried hands starting on his pant legs instead of a blanket. "You need anything?"

"Nothing but an answer as to why I'm here," Soul grumbled.

Spirit took his spot, no teacup and no soft hair caressing to busy his fingers so his arms crossed his chest instead, adding a huff for drama. "I thought you deserved some truth. Not saying I like you or anything, but I have enough respect for you since you've saved my daughter more times than I can count."

"Truth?" Soul raised an eyebrow.

"All those times you called the house, Rin never told her you called." Spirit slowed as he saw the dawning rage starting to bubble on Soul's face but couldn't stop. He could only reach out a hand, at least motioning for the quell. "Rin took all of your letters, put them in a shoebox and never told Maka they even existed."

"She _what_?" hissed tightly from Soul's teeth before he shot to his feet, fists clenched as if he had someone to fight. "That _bitch_ did that?"

Spirit grimaced a little, "While I'm not exactly innocent of it, avoid the name-calling. Remember that's her mother and I technically tried to keep Maka from getting too into it with Rin so that relationship might still be salvageable."

"I don't give a shit about Rin's relationships after what she did to mine." Soul wanted to shout but managed to keep it to a growl, the idea that Maka could hear him petrifying him.

"I didn't tell you this to get you mad at Rin anyway," Spirit sighed. "Just thought you deserved to know that Maka never got your side of the story. We both know she doesn't have a lot of trust in guys," Spirit took the moment to motion towards himself, "and you were the only one she did trust, but that's definitely gotten mucked up the last year. She's been living on Rin's whispers and her own insecurities, so forgive her a little."

"Forgive her?" Soul groaned. "Oh, what the fuck did she do that I have to forgive her for? Oh, _shit_." His fists unclenched and tangled in his hair as he ran through everything on his list of grievances, all of them crumbling to pieces with the truth that she didn't know. Everything he'd ever written, all of the facts that he'd laid out for her, she hadn't ignored them or thrown them away, she hadn't even known they existed. He had to finally let go of all the last trickling bit of doubt and accept it.

Spirit could only watch him tear at his hair for so long before adding the grand finale, "Maka's upstairs reading now."

"What?" Soul spat as his heart clamored against his ribs. "All of them?"

"Yeah, Rin didn't throw them out, just hid them. I had her overnight them and Maka's had them since noon." Spirit shrugged with no respect for how life-changing this was especially since to him this seemed like an inevitable. He'd always seen them as the shoujo manga romance that Soul had screamed against, that this mop-haired kid and his daughter were, unfortunately, meant to be.

Soul's head spun to the clock and found 3:30 PM staring back at him. _Three and a half hours of reading? She reads fast but how many weeks is that? And where did she start? And what does she know? And does she hate me?_ The questions zoomed through his head as he watched the second hand revolve.

"Maybe now is when you make the decision," Spirit prompted.

Soul almost whimpered the reply, "What?"

"You wrote those letters because you didn't think you'd get to say it to her face," Spirit's voice had become soft and for a strange second Soul could almost hear Marie. "So maybe it's time to decide if you want to say some of that to her instead of just finding it on some piece of paper."

* * *

Reading for three and half hours wasn't beyond Maka's abilities, but it was a slow crawl through each page that she then carefully flattened on top of the stack that was a slow journey backward in time. There were times she had to reread because it was just too real or too truthful, and times that she had to stop completely because the tears wouldn't allow anything in her sight. His emotions ran deep on each page and hers couldn't help but echo out each feeling. She didn't want to pause, to break the movie that she was creating in her head, especially since there were still so many to read.

So when her door opened she didn't even bother to raise her head but attempted to clear whatever tears were left on her face.

"Maka?" It was Spirit's voice but when she did bring her eyes up he was pushing Soul forward by the shoulders.

Maka had to slap a hand to her mouth to stop the sob that wanted to swell just at the sight of him.

Spirit had moved Soul far enough into the room and changed his momentum, taking a step back towards the door. "Need me to stay?"

"No," Maka whispered as she let the hand move from her mouth to her cheeks, trying again to desperately clean them.

There were a million little quips that Spirit wanted to offer but he smartly left them unsaid, turning and closing the door behind him. Maka still jumped at the sound of the door, surprised because she was so engrossed at looking at his face, trying to gauge what Soul she was going to get, the one she desperately wanted or the one that she was afraid was starting to hate her.

"I don't deserve to order you around, but listen to me," he murmured. "Let me get this out and then you can…" he let that wither off and she could see the glossiness coming over his eyes. "I'm sorry. What I did… it was wrong, so wrong, putting my hands on you like that, yelling, there's no excuse. I can say I was hurt because I thought you'd lied to me but I know that's not true now." He waved a hand towards the letters. "How far did you get?"

"About six months," Maka whispered as she picked up the next letter. "Next one is from the end of March."

"You're working backward," he sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair.

"Yes." Maka slid her finger against the edge of the envelope. "They're… beautiful, Soul, all of them."

He scoffed at the idea, "Maka, it's all just heartache, how is that beautiful?"

"Because it's all the truth." She couldn't disturb the bed, too many stacks and piles in every direction keeping her trapped but she desperately wanted to pull him closer so she offered out her hand. "You were so honest and that was exactly what I would have needed."

"Yeah, except-" Soul cut himself off, finally letting his eyes drift down to her and catching sight of her hand. He tentatively touched a finger to hers but sighed before breaking the touch. "Can you give me the first one?"

"Why?" Maka felt oddly defensive, not having gotten through her treasure and not wanting to give it up.

"I don't want you to read that one." He reached out his hand flat-palmed next to hers.

She couldn't help the disappointment at the idea of a secret in the middle of all of his truths. "Why not?"

His throat bobbed through a hard swallow, "Because I want to tell you."

Maka's heart started to pound as she brought her eyes and her hand down, sliding her fingers over the letters until the end, the one she was saving for last, the one she imagined would be filled with so much hurt that she wasn't sure she could stand it. The idea that he needed to say that to her scared her, but she picked the letter out anyway and placed it in his palm.

Soul didn't snatch it back but carefully brought it to his other hand, turning it over as if reliving the memory before ripping open the end. She watched as his fingers trembled through the act of picking apart the letter from the envelope, letting it fall to the floor as he had what he was really searching for. He opened it, his hand coming to his mouth and rubbing there as his eyes traced over the lines.

While she waited for the pain and vitriol, his shaking voice started, not reading the lines on the page but the ones from his heart, " _The things I should have said: While you were gone, I slept, ate, worked, and waited for you. I missed just having you in the apartment. I missed you waking me up, even too early. I missed you so badly that talking over the phone killed me because I couldn't see your smile. A month was already too long. A year would be unbearable."_ Soul had to pause as his voice cracked, the tears no longer just threatening but starting to loosen against his will. " _I said it was you and me because that's all I've ever wanted. Because I love you. I am falling apart without you. I'll go back to phone calls, I'll wait, I'll promise you anything, just as long as you tell me we're in love._ "

He barely took a breath as his eyes broke from the page and hit hers, pleading before his words even could. "I know you can't tell me that now, I don't expect you to, but I'll still promise you anything, _do_ _anything_ if you say we can try. I just want to try to get back to that because I can't live like this. I hate it. I hate _me_ , I hate what I am without you. So, please, just forgive me."

"Oh, Soul," she moaned out with almost too much frustration to bear. "Did you actually think that I wasn't answering you? That I read that letter and didn't say anything?"

"Yeah," he rolled his shoulders weakly as he cleared the tears from his cheeks. "I thought that sorry over the phone was a _'no'_."

"The first time we spoke again after we fought?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Soul," Maka repeated as she let her head fall into her hands. She shook it there, listening to his feet shuffle as he took a few steps closer to her.

By the time she could look up his fingers were tentatively touching her shoulder. "Maka, I need to know, is it a _'no'_ now?"

She pressed her lips together before shaking her head. "Yes and no, Soul."

"What?" It looked like the world had been yanked out from underneath him and his hand planted on her shoulder rather than the light touch it was before.

"I don't want to try. I just want us to go back. No trying, just doing, OK?" Maka started to rearrange the things on the bed, clearing them off her legs as she tried to miss whatever look was on his face because even if he was asking there was still the fear, a leftover from the year apart.

"Oh," his fingers tightened again and she heard him almost gasp for air.

She'd cleared enough to slide her legs out, getting them underneath her even though they felt about as reliable as jello. "Can I?" she placed her hands tentatively at his sides, threatening to slide them to his back.

Sound didn't come from his mouth as a reply but his hands clutched at her, bringing her without hesitation to his chest as he almost crushed the air from her lungs. His cheek pressed into her hair and she could feel the liquid soaking against her scalp as he trembled through silent tears.

"And I don't want to go back to the secrets," she murmured against his chest. "I guess it's easier now because we're starting off with the idea that we… we want to be in love again, like before, but what we're feeling, what we're thinking, it all has to come out."

"Like the letters?" Soul murmured into her hair.

"Yes, like that," Maka tightened her grip into his shirt, her fingers worrying into the fabric. "Which means I should be just as honest." She had expected loosening but that only urged him to press her closer. "I should have kissed you at the airport."

"At the airport?" Some of that pain had started to drain from his voice and Soul loosened his grip enough so he could look her in the face. "You wanted to kiss me?"

"Of course," she smiled softly. "You seemed scared, asking just a month and I… I didn't want you to be worried. But I was scared, too, and that stopped me. What's worse is when I got to Mama's I think she just knew what scared me about us. I was afraid you would find someone else and she knew that. I was afraid you didn't actually need me and she knew that. Every time I said something about you she just seemed to perfectly twist it to that idea that you were fine without me. You were living the life in your _bachelor pad_."

"Oh, don't fucking repeat that," Soul grimaced. "It was a bad joke."

"And it was only a joke," Maka reminded him. "I teased you right back, remember? It was no big deal until Mama heard it, chewed it up and spit it back in my brain with the right accents. You not calling didn't help though."

"I _did_ call," he insisted. "And I don't want to start shit, but Rin answered. Told me you weren't there."

Maka sighed, "The oldest trick in the book."

"Maka, I can't forgive her," he murmured. "That can't be part of the deal."

"You don't have to," she answered quickly without a second's hesitation. "I don't think I forgive her, either, maybe not for a while. Maybe not without thorough explanation, no matter how misguided."

"I don't want an explanation," his voice came out as a hiss but he tried to check the tail-end of it by biting his lip, containing any more venom. Soul took a long breath for a pause, "I was with other people."

"I know," she whispered. "So was I. We decided that together, remember?"

Soul shook his head, "I only said that because I wanted you to say no. I was playing a fucking terrible game of chicken and lost."

Maka let out a weak laugh, "I did the same thing the first time we fought when I said we weren't in love. I wanted you to tell me I was wrong."

"And I flew off the handle, completely uncool," he grumbled.

"I wouldn't exactly call that your fault," Maka sighed. "I hurt you."

Soul hesitated as his fingers ran up and down her back, unsure of whether he was trying to give comfort or leech it from her. "And I did the same right back."

Maka nodded, "But I guess what I need to know is did being with them… did it feel like _us_?"

"No." He pulled her in again, clutching to her to reinforce the word that didn't seem strong enough because everything else had been the furthest thing from this. Holding her felt like contentment.

"Good," she whispered into the fabric of his shirt.

Soul let that be the last word at the time, his mind too keenly focused on holding her and keeping every inch of her molded to him. His lungs finally had enough air, his skin warm and tingly like after a long hot shower, muscles that he hadn't even known had knotted untying in her arms.

"Can we go slow?" she murmured.

"Slow?" he echoed.

"That's the only thing I want to go back…" She didn't seem to be making any sense and worse he could feel the liquid starting to stain through his shirt. Soul tried to pull her back but she was cemented, her hands refused to release their hold. "I'm glad you didn't let me kiss you like that. I want to go back to just holding your hand, being surprised by your arm around me on the couch and when we're ready, when it's right, that's when I want you to kiss me. And I want you to make sure you want to kiss this Maka, not just the Maka from last year or the one you've saved up in your mind. You have to make sure I'm still the girl you love."

"And if I'm still what you want," he murmured back. "We'll take it slow. We'll figure it out, but we'll do it together. Maybe we're not in love, but we're going to be."


	9. Trying

The click of the door opening was what woke him and it was completely disorienting especially as, after a few long, slow blinks, Maka's face hovered over his. "Good morning," it was that regular old sing-song greeting he'd desperately missed every morning for the past year.

"Still too early," he croaked. Instead of the usual reaction of throwing his arm over his face, trying to block out the sun and the temptation of her smiling face, he let that hand reach up and gently draw a line along her jaw. A blush blossomed under his touch and his heart leaped into his throat.

Maka took his hand and tugged. "Come on, get up."

"Tempting, but no," Soul muttered. "First night I've been able to sleep through 3 AM."

"Which means you should definitely be well-rested enough to get up," Maka chimed as she pulled at his arm again.

"What's the rush?" he whined but allowed her to get him to sit up, his other hand moving to clasp over hers, now effectively in a tug of war.

Maka shrugged, "You know I always like cardio early. And then breakfast, then training-"

Soul answered with a groan as he threw his head back.

"-because something tells me you've been neglecting it," Maka finished through giggles.

"That's what you want to do?" Soul griped.

"Why, did you have something in mind?" Maka raised her eyebrows.

 _Did I?_ Soul let his chin slowly dip back, locking eyes with her. _First morning together, taking it slow, just…_ "Nah, just as long as it's with you."

"Of course it's with me," she was beaming a smile through the blush, and Soul was eating it up. "I'm your partner, after all."

Soul's heart was fluttering around in his chest, his hand clutching hers a little tighter. "Always."

That blush exploded on her face, a soft, unexpected laugh coming from her mouth. "Are you trying to butter me up to get out of running?"

"Maybe," he chuckled back before giving one last tug. "Did it work?"

"Of course not," she shook her head with a giggle.

Soul's sigh was long but entirely content. _Slow, taking it slow,_ was a constant reminder playing in his head even though every time he looked at her was the time he wanted to kiss her. _I'm going to show her first. I'm going to show her I can still be the guy she fell in love with._

"Um," her lips slipped from the smile to a press. "I heard you don't mix the two, dating and meistering."

The warmth that had been settling into him felt like it was suddenly slipping from his fingers. "I had a rule," he murmured. "Doesn't apply here."

Maka's eyebrows furrowed, "Because we're not dating?"

Soul shook his head, "Because you were the reason for that rule if you couldn't guess." He quickly put out a hand, hushing the addition that she was ready to give. "No one was going to be both so I didn't bother letting anyone try. No one was going to replace you. No one _is_." That pensive look on her face forced him to action, pulling her close enough that he could get his hands on her hips as his legs slipped out of the bed to trap her closely next to him. "What else did she say to you?"

"How do you know it wasn't Liz?" Maka murmured, a little breathless from the way he was holding her.

"Stuff Liz says doesn't make your eyes look like that." He was peering up at her, red focused on the verdant green as she stared down. "Tell me what she said to you. And I'll tell you the truth."

Maka rolled her eyes, letting out a huff of air. "That you didn't talk about me as much as she expected."

"True," Soul nodded. "That was across the board though. For a while, no one could say your name to me. A little bit of overkill in hindsight, but," Soul shrugged, letting the motion come down his arms to tug her hips a little closer. "You were never off my mind. I have a little self-respect left so I won't say how much or when, but just that not talking about you didn't mean not thinking about you."

"Not even my name?" she murmured.

"Melodramatic, totally uncool, but yeah," he managed half a smile.

"That I didn't keep you up at night." Maka was trying to suppress a smirk, the lines of her mouth trembling.

Soul did it for her, letting that grin along with a laugh break across his lips, "We both know that's not true. I haven't missed a 3 AM phone call until you came home."

There wasn't a need to fight anymore, the smile leaving her face again. "Even made one when I was."

"I'm not proud of that, either," Soul let the humor fall away. "I should have stayed that night."

He watched her jaw work, waiting for the tears or the next words. "She said," Maka put a hand on his cheek, fingers tentative against his jaw, "that I was your first. That with her you… you took _work_ to…"

Soul sighed, filling in where her voice drifted off. "That you're the reason I can't fuck anyone." Maka's hand dropped from his face as she tried to pry his hands from her hips, get a step back. Instead, he stood with her movement, careful to keep his hands from hurting but enough to hold onto her as he grabbed her biceps. "I didn't. Not with her, not with anyone before. I couldn't. Even the other stuff, the kissing, the… you know. I'm not proud to say it but I thought about you and could barely get through it. Couldn't imagine how terrible I'd feel trying to have sex and thinking about how much I wished it was you, so I didn't. I was depressed enough."

Maka was quiet, her hands coming to her face and pressing there.

He ran his hands up and down her arms, giving another second for an interjection before continuing, "So that's technically all true, well, except for you being my first. Maybe my first love, sure, but as far as I can remember the furthest we've gone in bed was you getting a hand on my chest." Soul reached for one of the hands covering her face, prying it off and moving to press it back to the spot he'd memorized. "And that's what I remember the most. How good this feels. How much I wanted to kiss you to make that promise that I was your family. So no matter what anybody says, you should know that you're the only one in my head. Memories of you and me are what stick and everything else just falls away."

Her hand fell from her face, meeting others at his chest. "Do you… think about that with me?"

Soul snorted out a laugh, "That's a loaded question. One I can only guess is coming with a Maka-chop one way or another."

"I promise I won't," she murmured as her eyes focused on her fingers.

"We're taking it slow, remember?" he sighed. "But you have to realize, and I'm only saying this once because there's no cool way to say it, that a glimpse of anything from you, when your shirt rides up and a little bit of your back shows or when you started growing out of your old skirts, gets my heart going." Soul could feel the burn on his cheeks but he didn't hesitate when her eyes finally locked with his. "So, yeah, it'd be nice if that first was you."

He was relieved to see the same pink come to her cheeks accompanied by motionless hands that weren't about to crack his skull. "We're taking it slow," she echoed as her teeth worried at her bottom lip for a second. "But I think I'd like that first with you, too."

It wasn't surprise that he felt since he hadn't exactly envisioned her taking the leap with guys, not because she wasn't given the opportunity but more because who the hell out of any of them would she trust with that kind of thing, but a relief that he instantly felt guilty about. "OK," he managed to squeeze from his throat before resisting the urge to roll his eyes at his own eloquence. "And please tell me that was it, the only things she said because-"

"That's all," Maka murmured.

"Good." He took one last opportunity to run his fingers over hers before releasing her. "Let's get running, then." _Because I've got a lot to work off right now._

* * *

When he got out of the shower, every muscle felt sore. It wasn't just his legs from all the running but it was every last inch of arms, his shoulders, his back because she'd hit the nail on the head: training had taken a backseat to his sorrow. Kid could definitely be a pushover, too, and easily distracted with some kind of question of symmetry, but Maka couldn't be torn from her task of whipping his back into shape. His only wish at that moment was to curl back up in bed with a quick secondary hope that maybe he could talk her into following, even if it just meant that hand on his chest.

Instead, he found himself pausing at her doorway, watching her as she was once again engrossed in the letters that were nothing more than his heart on a page. She hadn't finished them that day at Spirit, Soul just basically packing her up after everything was decided and carting her back to the apartment. In a way, he almost wished she'd never finish, forget the words that undulated between love-sick and angry, some that he was sure had the potential to hurt her. "Hey," he pulled her out of her reverie as he stood in the doorway.

"Hi." She let the paper she was reading fall to her lap, her shoulder still hunched as she sat in the middle of the bed.

"You don't have to read all that stuff," he murmured.

"I want to."

He sighed, his feet shuffling as his mind tried to make the decision. "Then can I be with you while you do?"

A fragment of an amused smile pulled at her lips. "You mean, watch me while I read? Isn't that a little creepy?"

"No, just…" Soul moved forward slowly towards the bed. "I was going to nap, so can I just do it here?"

"OK…"

He felt her eyes watching him tentatively as he slunk into the bed. First, it was heaven, the idea of being in her bed in the first place, since she'd only ever come to his room to ask to sleep and his sheets weren't saturated in her scent. There wasn't time to enjoy it though as his worry swallowed him back up as soon as he was sitting against the headboard, looking at the back of her head. "Grab the box," he murmured.

Maka did as she was told, moving the box into her lap. "Why?"

"Because." Soul swung an arm around her, arm across her chest and solid hand on her shoulder as he pulled her back against him. Her head plopped perfectly against his chest, a few stray blond hairs straying on his t-shirt.

"You going to strangle me?" it sounded like she was supposed to laugh but she was breathless.

"No, I'm going to sleep," he murmured as he closed his eyes, tightening that arm around her. "But I want you to feel me with you while you read."

"You're in the letters," there was a little more energy to that laugh.

"More than that," he grumbled back. "Unless you don't like-"

"No," she immediately stepped on his words. He felt her head turn on his chest and when he opened his eyes and tilted his chin he was practically face to face with her. "I like this."

"Me, too," just barely choked out of his mouth. _Oh, I want to kiss you._ "Wake me up if you need me."


	10. Kissing

"That is the _stupidest_ thing I've ever heard," Liz grimaced. "You're not in love, but you're going to be? You two are impossible. Just make out, rip your clothes off, and get it over with, _please_." Her mug hit the table with a hard clank. "Which is actually exactly what you should be doing now, not having coffee talk."

"Liz," Maka laughed. "I just think we're happier this way."

"Sure, of course," Liz rolled her eyes. "As if you two haven't been dying to kiss each other and you definitely haven't ever fantasized-"

"Hey!" Maka chided. "Trust me, happy. It's not some worried kind of waiting, it's…" She drifted off with a smile.

Liz shook her head as she snorted out a laugh. "Ridiculous, but OK. Just stay happy, please? Both of you."

"Not hard," Soul butted into the conversation as he slipped into the room. "Hey…" There was a second of hesitation before he placed a soft hand on her head, his fingers absently playing at her bangs.

"Don't mess up my hair." Her voice was a grumble but her smile betrayed her, shining as she tilted her head up to him.

"You guys are sick," Liz sighed as she added another eye roll.

Soul let out a chuckle before leaning in to murmur to Maka, "Gonna go get stuff for dinner, OK?"

"You're cooking?" Maka raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, got a problem?" He smirked.

Maka let out a sharp laugh before shaking her head.

"See ya." He tousled her hair before disappearing the way he came. A moment later the front door slammed, leaving the girls to themselves again.

"Again, sick," Liz echoed.

"He's getting touchy," Maka shrugged. "It's only day two, after all."

Liz leaned closer as if she needed it to keep the secret. "Did you two at least sleep in the same bed last night?"

"No," Maka elongated the vowel. "I don't know if that's… well, I mean, what order are things supposed to go in? I guess we're figuring that out."

"The order is: you kiss, you tear off your clothes-"

"Liz," Maka begged.

Liz let out a huff of air as she took another sip of her coffee. "You used to sleep together sometimes, so if you're going back to before you left, then sleeping together is fair game."

"On missions," Maka corrected.

"Or at your mother's wedding," Liz added on. "Or any other time when you needed him because that love-sick dolt wasn't saying no."

"Hey, be nice," Maka chided. "That's my love-sick dolt now."

Liz faked a heave before laughing, "He was always yours, Maka. Just took you two long enough to realize it."

* * *

Soul hadn't planned anything fancy, Death knew he couldn't, but he could at least boil water while watching a few pots simmer away.

"What are you making?" There was a giddiness in her voice that he enjoyed, but it was the next part that made his diaphragm almost refuse breath. Her arms wrapped around his waist as her hands searched up his chest, her face pressing to his back.

"Stuff," he answered breathlessly as he wiped his hands on the kitchen towel so he could place them on hers, pressing them into his chest. "I like this."

Maka let out a warm breath into his back, sending an electric zing up his spine. "Good, since it's pretty easy to do."

He wanted to laugh but there wasn't air left for it especially as he turned in her arms and those green eyes batted up at him. "You don't… you're not… fuck," he grumbled off.

"I'm not hesitant?" Maka offered as if she read it off the back of his mind.

"Yeah," Soul tried to find the right spot for his hands as hers sat resting on his hips. He settled on running them up her arms, surprised by the goosebumps his fingers left behind.

"I mean, before, sometimes we used to hug." Maka paused to eye the movement of his hands, the soft way his fingers played along her skin. "I assume everything from before wasn't off-limits, so why should I debate with myself?"

"Because you're not me," he sighed.

"You're still overthinking." Maka twisted her fingers a little tighter into his shirt as if Soul didn't feel anchored in place as it was.

"Open, right?"

"And truthful," Maka added.

Soul took a hand back and wiped at his mouth to unblock his lips. "I'm trying to be good with this slow thing, but it's _hard_. I look at you and I want to kiss you and I try to tell myself that it's too soon, you're probably still hurting and I have a lot to do to make up for things and-" When her hands let go of him the air cut out from Soul's lungs, sure she was backing out, that his honesty was too much. Instead, her hands shooed the one still hovering near his mouth and cupped his cheeks. He was breathless as she leaned against him to steady herself on tiptoes, her lips just brushing against his. "You kissed me," he whispered.

"For three reasons," she murmured as she patted one finger against his cheek. "One, it's still taking it slow. We're still dressed, after all." A second finger tickled his cheek. "Two, you sounded worried and I wasn't going to miss that opportunity again." The third turned into a complete caress, her entire hand drifting down to his chin. "And three, was because you're still definitely you, Soul. Still protecting me from every little thing, whether it's letters or _you_." Maka laughed sweetly, "Hopefully that'll give you a little less to overthink."

"I _can't_ think," he barely choked out.

"Maybe that's better." The grin that spread across her face went unseen as she pressed her lips against his for another soft brush.

Soul was ready this time, his lips catching hers as his free hand sunk into her hair. "I missed you," trickled from his mouth as he choked out an unsteady breath across her lips.

"You don't have to anymore," she tapped her hand softly against his face.

Even with the urge to kiss her again trying to overtake him, Soul wrapped his arms around her instead, pressing her to him as the thoughts of everything else drifted away. _She's with me, she's here, and I think she loves me._

* * *

Maka heard the phone trill and started to put her book down on the coffee table. By the time she reached the hallway, Soul was already there, pressing the receiver to his ear.

"Albarn-Evans residence," he answered in his usual flat tone.

As she took another step, Maka watched his shoulders tighten and her heart threatened to skip a beat.

Soul turned, his jaw grinding together as he refused to move his mouth from the receiver. "It's your mom."

Maka pursed her lips, trying to weigh all the odds. _If she says anything about him, I'm going to lose it, and I'm not sure…_

It was as if he read it right off her face. "I don't think she's ready to talk to you."

She waited for him to hang up but watched instead as he held on the receiver almost as tightly as the clutch of his jaw. "Soul…"

"Listen," the word snapped sharply from his mouth. "It'll probably take her time, but not that much. She's too good like that and before long the two of you will be right back to talking like you were after the wedding." He sighed deeply, "Or at least I hope so because when you weren't, back when you _forgot_ about her, you hurt her more than anything."

There was a pause on this end but Maka could hear the tinny sound of her mother yelling without yelling on the other end.

Soul waited patiently until there was a breath that he could cut into, "And I know it probably doesn't mean shit to you, but don't ever, _ever_ expect for me to look at you with an ounce of respect for the rest of the time we know each other. She can love you, and I can love her, but we're not going to meet in the middle. If we get married, if we have kids, you'll be there, I know that, but don't expect a second of attention from me. You almost ruined the only thing I actually ever wanted for _me_ in my entire life and I can't forgive you."

Her knees felt weak and she leaned into the wall to support herself especially as his eyes never fluctuated from hers, those words meant just as much for her as for her mother. _Marry me? Kids?_

"So call next week. She'll probably be ready by then." Soul paused long enough to scoff, his eyes turning to the ceiling. "And I promise I'll never tell her you didn't call. I'll never keep you from talking to her, from telling her you love her because I know how fucking hurtful that is. And last but not fucking least, know that I love her and even though I don't have to, I'm going to promise you to take care of her." He didn't seem to wait for a reply, just dropping the receiver down on the base.

"Soul…" But more than that was impossible, all the air gone from Maka's lungs.

"Sorry, overboard, right?" He shrugged before laughing weakly. "I just… kind of started and couldn't stop."

Maka shook her head, "For somebody who you usually can't get to talk, that was a lot, Soul."

"Yeah, but…" he lessened the space between them with a few steps, just within her reach to touch but still keeping his hands to himself. "I thought I'd be more angry than anything else, thinking about what she did, but it just felt sad. I felt sad that she'd hurt you, hurt us, for no reason other than because she was scared. And I hope you're not scared like that anymore, Maka."

"No, I'm not." There was no way she could be especially after each one of those words saturated into her heart, watching him be the same old protective Soul who'd taken her hand from that piano bench. "But you threatened marriage, kids?"

Soul turned beet red, a laugh tumbling from his lips, "Yeah, yeah I did." He scratched at the back of his head as he cleared his throat. "I'm not in a rush or anything, not looking to become like your parents, but… could be, right? Maybe a someday sort of thing?"

"A someday sort of thing," she echoed as she reached her hand out and grabbed his.

As soon as their fingers connected he pulled her forward, scooping an arm around her waist and getting her close enough that he could rest his forehead on hers. "But that loving you, that's a right now sort of thing."

"Right now," she repeated before his lips met hers. Day three and their kisses were getting almost long enough.


	11. Wanting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting to steam up - some sexual content.

It was deja vu the way Maka woke him with that musical voice except for this time, just as her face hovered over his, it was to let her lips feather against his. Soul couldn't stop himself as he grabbed onto her cheeks, only letting her get a few inches away. "Can I get that every morning?"

"Depends," she grinned.

"On?" He was already craning his neck, trying to close the space between them but Maka was toying with him as she tilted her head back.

Her lips pursed in thought for a moment before pink spilled across her cheeks. "A fair trade."

"I'll kiss you all you want," he laughed.

Maka shook her head, "Not that."

"Not that?" he raised his eyebrows as he echoed. "I'll make breakfast."

"Nope."

"Go running every morning?" Soul offered with a bit of a grimace.

"You already have to do that," she laughed. "Your reward is your health."

"Lame," he groaned. "I'm not cleaning the bathroom."

Maka let out a short snort of a laugh before pulling in a long breath. "I kind of want…" she trailed off.

"Open and truthful," he nudged her along.

She sighed, "Can we sleep in the same bed?"

"That's a fair trade?" Without much of a second thought and a laugh tumbling from his lips, Soul moved his hands from her face to her waist, pulling her into the bed. It was a difficult transition and as she fell he definitely got a knee to the thigh and an elbow jammed somewhere in his ribs but the end result was what he wanted, a laughing Maka laying next to him. "Could have asked for that from day one."

Maka turned on her side, putting her hand exactly where it should be on his chest. "Slow."

 _And slow is the last thing on my mind when I have you like this, or when I think about tonight, after another day of loving you, to lay next to you in the dark and not touch you…_ "Like I said, Maka, slow is hard. But you sleep here or I sleep there, deal. At least a kiss every morning, deal."

"At least?" she raised an eyebrow.

Soul replied by leaning in, stealing another kiss from her lips that he couldn't leave as just a soft touch, instead coming with a hint of the force he was trying to keep at bay. His hand clamped over the one on his chest, trying to ease the urge to reach for the rest of her. When Soul was finally able to release her, finding happily that she almost didn't let him go, he murmured, "At least."

* * *

' _At least'_ echoed through Maka's head for the entirety of that week along with the revisiting of the way his kiss had made her own body sizzle alive. She had avoided that with the _dates_ , the idea that hands could play a part just as much as lips could, and when the scant few broke through that usual rule, it was lackluster. Not to mention the way the guilt as if she were cheating ate away at any enjoyment. But these moments, when Soul grabbed a hip or played at her lips set something in her alight, and his constant answer of ' _slow is hard'_ started to ring truer each day.

It had also taken time and practice to arrange a bed together, the first night as separate as could be, neither wanted to test waters beyond just that step even if sharing the same sleeping bag on missions had happened more than once. The second night came with that hand on his chest, an anchor so she could feel his breath and his heart working all night, whenever she needed reassurance he was there. By the fifth night, she had inched close enough that she was sure he could feel her breath against his neck because before he would fall asleep she would watch the goosebumps.

The end of the week had her itching in a way she couldn't quite describe, where every touch just felt like it was barely enough and she knew she was forcing their kisses past time limits. Soul was always well-behaved, taking her lead. Just as he was tonight as she inched closer to him in the bed, her face now on his pillow as she pressed against his arm. "Open and truthful," she whispered almost against the skin of his neck.

"OK…" he murmured back as he lazily opened one eye, already half asleep as it was before her breath against his neck awakened him.

"How are you feeling about us?"

Soul sighed as the other eye opened, his chin tilting down to get a better look at her. "Be a little more specific."

Maka pressed her lips together in thought as she arranged a better question. "Are there things that I still have to be forgiven for?"

A sharp _hmph_ left his throat. "What was I supposed to be forgiving you for? What'd you do?"

"Not the letters, I know, but the not in love thing, the way I hurt you for no reason." _Why does it sound like I'm pleading with him to be angry with me?_ Maka caught the sigh that wanted to escape from her lips.

Soul's fingers crept up to hers on his chest, tapping at the back of her hand before tracing the muscles there. "That hurt, sure, but I don't know. That was then. We were both stupid. Said stupid things, did stupid things. It's not worth holding on to."

"I kind of said that to mom." Maka paused, waiting to feel a tense or the anger come over him at the mere mention of Rin but he was steady, breathing clear and slow. "That sometimes we're not good to one another but that's both our faults. I'm not the best to you sometimes and you're the same. I tried to get out that it didn't mean I don't love you but she wasn't very interested." She lifted herself on an elbow, leaning down to catch those crimson eyes. "But you know that I loved you the entire time, right? I think… I think I kind of loved you since we were kids."

"Not kind of," he corrected. "Loved you since just before I earned myself this scar." Soul moved her hand a little higher on his chest, tracing the start of the line from his armpit. "I'm going to take a guess that maybe right after was when you started loving me."

Maka blinked at him, her mind suddenly reeling. "How did you…?"

Soul sighed, "I think that's when we both started keeping secrets. Being scared of what loving you was, what it meant, started all that for me so just a good guess."

"Good guess," she repeated.

A smug little smile glanced over his lips before fading. "Are there things I have to be forgiven for?"

All of the confusion was quickly shelved as she produced the best glowing smile she could manage. "Nope."

He seemed a little surprised, his jaw working to chew through the words before he said them. "You sound sure."

"I shouldn't be?" Maka raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"Guess I'm just-"

"Overthinking." _Because you're the dictionary definition, but I still kind of love it. I love being your surety._

Soul huffed in reply.

Maka let herself fall back to his side, angling her head so close that she was breathing across his skin, her hot sighs bringing color to his neck. "I think we're alright, Soul." To punctuate this she tilted her head just so, letting her lips press against the cord of his neck.

That brought a shaky sigh from his lips and the hand that was playing over hers was now on the move, gliding up her arm. "Can you do that again? Please?" He sounded powerless, begging, so unlike Soul that Maka almost wanted to lift her head and double-check his face.

Instead, she did as requested, lips lingering through a few more feathery kisses against his neck. "More?"

Another withering sigh came from his lips, "The answer's always gonna be more."

She laughed against his neck and his hand clutched into her shoulder, pushing her back into his skin. Maka nuzzled at the skin first, feeling his fingers tighten and a hoarse grunt grumble in his throat. "Tell me we're alright," Maka breathed out against his neck.

"Maka," he groaned. "We're fucking perfect."

* * *

Soul had hands shoved in his pockets as he wandered out into the training yard. Maka had joined meister class early that morning, not necessarily much of a student anymore but looking for a challenge and to still keep her title as teacher's pet. It was with Stein, some kind of obstacle course day, and Soul could only imagine the insanity involved. All of those wonders dropped completely from his mind as he caught sight of her standing with her back to him. Maka was in just the sports bra, no shirt to speak of and his eyes couldn't stop tracing the line of her spine. Not to mention her shorts weren't covering much else, just those long legs welcoming the sunlight. When she turned to him, Soul had to hold his breath, hoping to quell the beat of his heart as she just beamed. "Hey, Soul!"

"Hey," he croaked.

She was trotting over to him, tiny droplets of sweat glistening on her skin and he couldn't look away. "We're done for the day. Will you take me home?"

That question fell to the wayside, the next sentence squeaking from his mouth. "What happened to your shirt?"

"Oh!" Maka looked down as if her situation was a surprise. "Got wrecked within an hour. Just ripped right down the back and I ditched it."

"Come here." He started to tear off his own t-shirt but Maka stilled his hand.

"It's OK," she laughed. "You're the only one looking."

"Not true," he grumbled. Soul's hands were still struggling with hers and when he found no hope of winning, he instead moved to guide her off the field, blocking her from the others by hustling her into the hallway.

"You're not looking?" The innocent little dip in her voice brought his a shiver down his spine, seeing a knowing smile curling on her lips.

"They sure are." Soul sent a useless glare backward into the empty corridor before continuing the effort to block eyes that didn't exist.

"But you, Soul?" she cooed back again, turning her head over her shoulder to blink at him.

Soul swallowed hard, those green eyes glowing in a way he couldn't read. "What happens if I say yes?"

Maka shrugged, "I'd be happy."

 _She wants you to look_ , a pleased little part of his mind murmured. _But I think she wants you to tell her._ Soul waited a few more steps before grabbing her arm, tugging her back as he slipped open one of the doors. He blessed everything he knew as he found it was an empty classroom, darkened except for pinpricks of light sneaking from the lines of the closed blinds. As the door clapped shut he pressed her against the wall, one hand coming to her neck to tilt her chin just right while the other splayed against her stomach.

She gasped but managed to eke out, "I'm sweaty."

"Don't care," grumbled from his mouth just before his lips crushed against hers. ' _At least'_ and ' _slow'_ evaporated from his mind as his hand drifted up over her sweat-stained skin. He melted as her stomach muscles fluttered under his fingers and his tongue parted her lips, slipping against hers. On the tail-end of the kiss, he nibbled at her bottom lip just as his hand met the underside of her breast and dared to slip over the curve.

The soft groan from her broke the kiss, each breath after panting over his lips. "Soul…"

"I'm looking." His hand didn't relent, stealing one last squeeze before letting the hand drift back down her stomach. "You're beautiful, and all I want to do is look, touch. Don't ever doubt it."

"I won't," she murmured as a soft laugh left her mouth. "You might have to carry me out of her."

"That a good thing?" He nuzzled his nose to hers.

"Duh," she laughed again. "But… maybe wait until we're at home."

Soul grunted, " _Slow_."

"No," Maka murmured. "Just, _private._ Maybe not so slow anymore."

"Not so slow?" That was barely a question and more a sigh of relief, his hands both coming to her cheeks to steal one more kiss.

Maka brought her hands to his chest, slowly pushing him back. "Yes, so, let's go home."

Soul coughed out a laugh, "Give me a second." He detached from her, turning his back as he readjusted his pants which weren't exactly forgiving, his body not ready to quit. There weren't enough cold shower thoughts to erase the moment as he struggled with his brain against reliving over and over.

Her soft hands pressed to his back, only working to make matters worse. "Just walk behind me. It'll be fine, we'll just make a break for it."

Soul snorted, "Sure. Sounds like it'll work perfectly." He let her guide him out anyway, her head peeking back and forth before pulling him out into the hallway. The flex in the small of her back, the way her shoulder blades were still glistening slightly didn't make the cooldown any easier and he found himself having to walk closer. As he was still busy looking at the different dips in her skin, he practically ran into her as she skidded to a halt.

"Oh, hey, Liz, Patty," Maka managed that sweet, beautiful chirp in her voice even as her hand moved back as if to protect him.

Patty raised her eyebrows before turning her head back to Liz. "They look guilty."

"You do look guilty," Liz echoed. "What were you up to?"

"Nothing," Maka shrugged.

"Just picking her up." Soul made the mistake of copying her movement, the wave of shoulders looking awkward.

"You feeling OK, Soul?" Patty grinned, dipping her head to try to get an angle around Maka.

"Stop being weird," Soul huffed.

Liz pulled Patty by the shoulder. "Don't bother. Not like the two of them can manage anything, anyway. They don't even kiss," Liz rolled her eyes.

Soul's mouth twitched as he smothered a laugh in his throat. He leaned closer to Maka, the softest whisper in her ear, "We're practically prudes."

Maka turned her head, her lips practically at his as her mouth broke into a grin. "Not for long."


	12. Forgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sexual content ahead**

Maka opened the bathroom door and took one step into the hallway. She was listening, trying to find him in the apartment but getting only silence. It wasn't just that either and she knew it. It was stalling, plain and simple, as she toyed with the edge of her towel. _Courageous, especially since there's no reason to worry. This is Soul, still the same Soul._ Each one of those words came with a step, bringing her directly to his doorway to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. "Hey."

Soul raised his head, eyes widening momentarily as he had to pick up his jaw. "Hey."

She took another step and Soul sat frozen, watching her every movement as his eyes lingered over her. It wasn't until she stood right between his knees that his hands moved, resting softly on her hips. That was where her motion stopped, hesitating again as she was faced with the dominoes slowly falling into place. Those hands pulled her closer, his face pressing into the towel at her stomach, sending surprise tingling through her. Maka placed a hand on his head and let her fingers travel through his hair. "I thought you were excited for ' _not so slow'_?"

"I am, but I want to take the ' _not so slow'_ part slow," the words scratched against the back of his throat hoarsely. "I…" A trembling breath drifted across her stomach. "I need to remember every second of it. I need to feel it, all of it, because… this is _you_ , Maka. It's _you_."

A laugh, full of relief fluttered from her throat. "Not just me, _us_." Her hand in his hair tilted his head back, saving the stretch of her grin for when his eyes finally met hers. "But thank you, I think I needed to hear that."

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you." She brushed the hair from his eyes. "I feel like I always have and I always will."

"You think so?" His fingers were trembling against the towel.

Maka let her hands drop to his, steadying them against her hips. "I know."

His hands slipped out from underneath hers as he stood, as his arms wrapped around her waist to lift her. Soul gave her a spin for good measure, getting her back to the bed before he leaned in to kiss her. He was true to his word, not rushed and needy but soft and searching as he picked apart every detail of her lips. They lingered there together, wrapped in a steady embrace until one of his hands dipped between the folds of the towel in search of delicate skin. As his hand reached the curve of her waist the tenuous tie final lost its hold, forcing the fabric to the floor. Soul stopped his motion, letting their lips part to whisper, "Maka…"

She pecked at his lips before answering back, "I think you should get undressed, too."

"You telling me to strip?"

Maka opened her eyes to see the smirk she already knew was there and finally eating away the nervousness she'd seen on his face. "I didn't think I had to give a formal order. I'm naked, don't you think you should be?" She slipped from his fingers just like the towel and tumbled to the bed, her eyes shooting to the ceiling since she was sure she couldn't bear the look on his face. There was neither a quick comeback or the rustling of clothes so she bit at her lip before whispering, "Well?"

"Give me a second to enjoy the view," he murmured back.

Her face lit up as she dropped her chin, meeting eyes with him. She didn't know what she had been afraid to see there since all other thoughts were lost as that warm glow in his eyes hit her, the way he was looking but not to pick apart or lust over but to cherish. "How much longer?"

"Don't know, what's my limit?" A chuckle broke from his lips and it made her heart skip a beat. Each second he seemed to be coming back to himself, reminding her why she was there in the first place. His nervousness, his genuine love, the way he teased, all of it part of him.

"Well, I'm getting cold." She reached for the sheet and started to pull it over her.

"No, no, no," he groaned.

"Then come here and keep me warm."

"That sounds like an order," he laughed again as he pulled off his shirt. Maka couldn't deny that she wasn't enjoying the opportunity to look as well, something she'd mostly kept herself from in the years they were together but not. She wasn't waiting patiently as he unzipped his pants and brought his hands to his waistband. He paused for a second, eyes locking with hers as his smirk tempered to a soft smile, one that only came to his face with her. "You know I love you, too, right?"

"I definitely know that." Maka reached for him, coaxing him to drop his pants and boxers before easing down next to her on the bed. Her arms slipped around his neck, one hand resting on his shoulders while the other played in his hair.

Soul dipped his head, resting his forehead to hers, "And you should know that all the waiting, all the bullshit, I know this is worth it, and I hope you're gonna feel the same way."

"Already do," she murmured. "One last order, kiss me."

He was instantly back to lingering kisses, his hand sinking into her hair to play between the tresses as he took time and effort to set a whole new standard. His skin felt like fire against hers, especially the palm of his hand as it slipped from her hair, down her neck, and onto an achingly slow trail over her breast. The classroom now felt like nothing more than a tease in comparison to the way his calloused fingertips burned over the delicate swell. While his movements were slow, they were calculated thanks to that relief of _her_ , the idea that he no longer had to get through these moments but could enjoy each one.

"Maka," he murmured against her jaw as he took his lips on a different journey. Soul littered kisses along her neck, nibbling where it met her shoulder and basking in the sounds of her delight as he pressed into her breast again. It was beautiful, a chorus he couldn't get enough of and was sure would loop on repeat for the rest of their lives because at that moment this felt endless. He toyed with her nipple as he trailed back up to her ear to tease the lobe between his teeth. Somewhere along the way, he'd whispered her name again, sinking it into her skin.

Even in the delirious joy of his hands and mouth exploring her, Maka couldn't help but latch onto it, her hand coming into his hair to soothe him. "I'm here, Soul. You don't have to keep asking for me."

A soft chuckle buzzed next to her ear before his voice and words sent a shiver down her spine, "Not asking for you. Reminding you it's only you in my head. No one else is ever gonna matter."

Maka let out a long, sweet sigh as he replied with more kisses down her neck to meet her collarbone. She was sure he was going to come back to kiss her especially as his head raised but instead he repositioned so his lips could continue lower, planting softly at her sternum. "Soul…" she played through his hair again but found it hard to find what else to do with her hands as he drifted lower, lips grazing along her breast.

"Hm?" he hummed the question against her skin.

"I want to touch you, too." It felt lame on her lips but the smile that appeared to replace those kissing lips on his face shooed that feeling away.

"I know," he laughed against her skin. "And I want you to. Just… hold that thought, OK? Relax and let me." Those red orbs glowed, taking a few more blinks to study her face before closing. His lips closed over her nipple, sucking lightly as his hand squeezed at the rest.

That brought a trembling sigh from her lips, her back arching involuntarily as if he needed the help. Each movement of his lips and his hands sent another aching wave through her and as his teeth grazed against her skin on the next revolution she let out a low moan. She couldn't help it just as much as she couldn't help the laugh that came next.

Soul paused from his work, "Something funny?"

Maka slapped a hand over her mouth, calming the next wave of giggles that wanted to escape. As her amused eyes met his, she let the hand slip away, showing off a smile that momentarily stunned him. "It's just relief. Not funny, but happy."

"Good…" Soul pressed a cheek against her skin and let an exhale drift out. The hand that had been cupping her breast relaxed as his fingers started to drift down her stomach instead. The goosebumps followed his movements especially as he rounded her hip bone and paused dangerously at the crease. The only encouragement Maka could give was to bend her knees, bringing the rest of her leg into his reach as he continued the line up her thigh. As he started back, his hand dipped along the inside of her thigh, and Maka held her breath as he reached where her legs met, fingers tentatively pausing over her slit.

"Slow," his breath was hot against her breast.

Maka was overwhelmed as all feelings hit her at once: his hairs tickling her chest as he moved his head, his mouth captured her breast again with a sucking that was much more intent, and his pointer and index started a slow glide back and forth just teasing without penetrating her lips. She was fairly sure she'd never begged him for anything in her life, her requests usually only coming in the form of orders, but the desperate call eased from her throat, "Please."

It was his turn to laugh, a dangerous chuckle as he unlatched from her breast. "Maka Albarn, are you begging?"

"Soul Evans-" she tried to start out a grumbling reply but the pressure of his fingers cut her off because they were no longer playing but gliding over her clit and straight inside of her, forcing her hips to jut. A low moan fazed out any other words from her mouth.

"Don't beg," he murmured as he readjusted so he could bring his face back to hovers, a smirk spreading across his lips. "Tell me what you want, _open and truthful_." Those words came with another stroke of his fingers, this time angling to rub against a spot inside her that sent a lightning strike up her spine.

"That," shot out sharply with her breath.

Soul captured her lips as he obliged, catching all her little gasps and moans with his tongue. While he was usually always one to follow orders, he deviated, easing out of her so that he could concentrate on circling her clit. Maka had no complaints or at least none that could overpower the ecstasy that bubbled from her throat. Her fingers were digging into his hair, crushing his mouth against hers and her other hand clutched for dear life at his shoulder. "I'll give you anything you want," he murmured as he pressed his fingers firmly into her. Small moans hiccuped from her throat and Soul brought his head up to watch the complete loss of sense on her face. Besides a hard hit in battle, it was the first time he'd seen her so dazed, her eyes half shut as her head rolled back.

It was then that her hips locked, her nails digging into the flesh of his shoulder as the last groan elongated from her lips. Maka's eyes fluttered open as the breaths sputtered from her mouth, her hand easing from his shoulder down his arm to stop the motions of his hand. "Anything?" finally eased from her throat.

All other thoughts as he watched her orgasm had fluttered away, even his promise. "Huh?"

"You'll give me anything I want?" she smiled.

Soul tried to keep his eyebrows in check as that grin bordered on dangerous. "I did say that."

"Now you don't sound so sure," but the amusement didn't leave her face.

Making her cum had been where his coolness laid especially fed by the perfect reactions from her. Now, in the afterglow, in the realization that he was next, he felt all of that seeping away. "No, I mean, yeah, sure, whatever you want." Maka took a last moment to run a hand over herself, enjoying the way her body still tingled with a low hum of electricity before moving to sit up. Soul scrambled without thought, grabbing at her wrist as he tried to catch up with her motion. "Maka-"

"Don't worry." She tossed a grin over her shoulder before going back to moving across the bed. Maka had to wriggle her wrist to get away from him and off the bed, her legs still feeling a little unsure.

"Where are you going?" Soul's voice shot up another octave as he threw his legs over the side of the bed, ready to jump up to join her.

Maka turned, planting her hands calmly on his shoulders to keep him sitting. "Calm down. It's my turn to do what I want."

"I'll be calmer when I know what you want," he muttered.

" _Everything_ ," she enunciated joyfully before dropping slowly to her knees.

This was a daydream position, Maka Albarn kneeling between his legs, her hand clutching what had been a fear softened Soul until just the glide of her touch brought the blood pumping right back. He gave into fantasy, using one hand to gather up her hair not necessarily to pull but to keep those tendrils from blocking his view as she opened those delicate lips. There was no cool as they passed over his tip and Soul let out a warbled groan, all the fear and worry forgot the instant her mouth was completely on him. "Oh, shit," he barely got out in between his next moan because she was taking her time and somehow that was all his body wanted.

Slow was the name of the game, the way she toyed and played with her tongue instead of just that boring up and down motion. Really, though, watching her mouth move over him had to be anything other than mundane, those strawberry lips running effortlessly up and down his shaft. He slipped his other hand into her hair, biting at his lip as she took that as an encouragement to speed up. "Maka…" he moaned as the tingling started in his legs. Her eyes opened momentarily, blinking at him just long enough that Soul felt another swoon of emotion, the sweetness of this even amongst the lust.

Her fingers deftly ran up his leg and along his thigh before grasping at his shaft again, that delicate hand adding just the perfect amount of pressure to each stroke. "Maka, I'm about to…" Both the embarrassment of the word and feeling of it coming choked him, leaving nothing but another low moan to escape his throat. He bucked slightly as his legs locked, the shock trailing from toes to gut. The involuntary response was to throw his head back in complete euphoria but he refused it, keeping his eyes locked on her as she moved easily through the last throes of his orgasm.

When her mouth finally released him, Soul used the anchor of his hands in her hair to tilt her head, leaning in to capture her mouth. He set the stage for the words playing around in his mind by giving the most tender kiss he could imagine. "If what you wanted was to make me the happiest guy alive, you did it."

Maka hummed out the affirmative before whispering, "I love you."

"I love you." He moved his hands down, encouraging her to her feet. "Now come here." As soon as she was standing he pulled her back into the bed on top of him, feeling the glorious pressure of her body on his. "That was… just fucking _wow_." He laughed at himself, the complete lack of cool not even phasing him as he ran his hands down her side.

"You liked it?" The blush blossomed on her cheeks and she hid it against his chest. "Because I… I haven't done that before."

Soul was thankful she missed the way the disgust with himself washed over his face. "You never, not…" _Not with the other guys I imagined you with?_

Maka sighed, "It was stupid but it always felt kind of like I was cheating on you."

He ran a hand through her hair, clearing it enough that he could kiss her hairline. "I'm sorry."

She let out another withering breath against his chest. "You've done that before."

 _Honest and truthful,_ his mind moaned. "Not _sex_ sex, but this stuff, yeah… and I don't even know if this makes it fucking better, but I wanted it to be you. I imagined it was you. It wasn't fair, it was terrible, and it was disgusting but I… that's all I was without you." He kissed the same spot again, smoothing his fingers through the golden tresses. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Maka let a hand drift from his side to his chest, her fingers playing with a few hairs there. "I don't think you should be apologizing to me," she murmured. As she lifted her head she saw his eyes almost swimming with tears, the fear crushing him. "We made mistakes. But I feel sorry for those girls. They thought they were getting this and… they never got you to love them."

"I've never loved anyone but you," he urged back firmly.

"I know," she offered him back a small smile. "And that's what's important to me." Maka moved her hand to his face, clearing the hair from his forehead. "It's really alright, Soul. It's… it's better to hear it. To know for sure and work through it rather than secrets. If you want me to say I forgive you, I will."

"I don't want you to just say it, I want you to actually forgive me." The words barely eked from his throat, hoarsely broken by the tears that were no longer just threatening.

"We wouldn't be like this if I hadn't, Soul." Maka quickly cleared the tears from his cheeks. "I wouldn't have let you touch me if I didn't think you regretted it. If I didn't think I could get over it. And that was… it was _wow_ ," she laughed softly. "You made sure I knew you loved me with each touch."

Soul tilted his chin, his trembling lips touching softly to hers. "I'm always going to do that. Always. I swear."


End file.
